Sir Rabbit

avi is me....

[Sir Rabbit @hythemafia]

Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles. You know what they say about old habits.....

[Tim Bolton @TimBolton1981]

Who made this? 😂

[Kalvin @KalvinMacleod]

DOG BOSS: Any messages for me?
DOG ASSISTANT: just one from Mr. Agoodboy
DOG BOSS: who’s Agoodboy?
DOG ASSISTANT: *tail starts wagging*

[Mr. Onederful® @ericonederful]

They say smoking marijuana causes memory loss. Well if that's true, how come I never forget to smoke marijuana? Checkmate.

[Dreamer @ElgatoEsmio]

Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40’s.

[Skinnie Talls @SkinnieTalls]

Let's just skip the formalities and get to the weird stuff.

[Hella of Troy 🇬🇷 @OfHella]

Twitter is proof no one is living a best life.

[🇺🇸 Happy ChillMore™ 🇨🇦 @cravin4]

My wife says I can't be a Twitter Dom until I finish my chores.

[Spazio🇵🇸 @Spaziotwat]

Can’t believe I have to go to work today when I almost certainly went yesterday

[Steven W Skinner @SkinnerSteven]

Found this account with a single tweet from 2009 and I fear the worst https://t.co/MpJVkwmQ0z

[Saucy Kensington @Book_Krazy]

Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise?

Me: Does sex count as exercise?

Dr: Yes.

Me: No.

[ugh* @heatherlou_]

If a woman is in Lowe’s buying a plunger, she doesn’t want to be hit on. She’s dealing with enough shit already.

[John Kennedy @FrazzleMyGimp]

[Home Depot staff meeting]

BOSS: Someone has been breaking all the wood. Any idea who it is?

ME: [tightening my green karate belt] Probably someone pretty strong.

[Mayor P and 11 others retweeted 3 of your tweets. @punmagnate]

I pour two competing brands of detergent into the washing machine at once. "I wanna see a clean fight," I say, ringing the laundry bell

[Saucy Kensington @Book_Krazy]

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: What did you do at school today?

5-year-old: Learned about dragons.

Me: Your class learned about dragons?

5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let’s see what else is lying around first.

[Kalvin @KalvinMacleod]

BANK TELLER: to open an account I'll need a first name
ME: Robin
BT: and a last?
ME: Dabanc
BT: so ur Robin Dabanc
Me: *slowly reveals gun*

[Donna T @sweetg35]

Sometimes turning the tables means throwing it at someone.