at last, my wish was granted. I purposely bumped into the thugs on the street and was beaten as much as I wanted to be. I kept smiling as I was beaten, and so they beat me up more, calling me crazy
l ignored the sheet music, ignored my mom, and let out the emotions that were about to burst out of me into my fingers. my mom grabbed my hands and pulled them away from the keyboard saying, 'this is not the emotion!'
I stroked the piano keys, smearing my hands with dust. I put some force into the tips of my fingers and the sound that came out was nothing like what hyung had played before. it’s been 10 days since he last went to school. I heard he was expelled today.
what I was supposed to think, what I was supposed to feel, what I was supposed to do. I didn’t know any of these things. and then, the thought: ‘Oh, mum’.
when I met the guys again, they all seemed changed. the only one still in school uniform was me. they must've thought of me as a kid still. so when I was around them, I just listened. which I was fine with and irritated by at the same time. I felt out of place and happy too.
the events that had occurred at the Grass Flower Arboretum came back to me. it was something I thought I'd overcome.but it was not so. I had to run away. I had to cleanse myself. I had to hide.the person in the mirror would always be the 8 year old child who ran through the rain.