Nick Furry

I bonk you.

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

You should always confront your problems head-on. Unless your problem is a bear. Don't confront a bear. #BearsHaveNoTimeForYourNonsense

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

My superpower? Making people laugh. Now I just wish I was trying to be funny. #LaughItUpFuzzball #IDontGetIt #AfraidImThePunchline

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

Everybody calls me paranoid. I just know they do.
#IveGotMyEyeOnYou #NotJustAnotherScaredyCat #TrustNoOne #VerifyEverything

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

You could try stealing my statuses if you want, but you should know that I lick all of them. #AndGuessWhatICleanWithIt #CallingDibs

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

My friends are always telling me how smart and clever I am. Mostly because they're imaginary and I tell them what to say. #HesRightBehindYou

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

Never look back. Back is where the monsters live. #Regrets #Mistakes #WrongPaths #TrustedWrongPeople #WrongedPeopleWhoTrusted #Boogeyman

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

I speak for everyone in the room when I say, "I have absolutely no idea where my life is headed." #LikeCaineInKungFu #MakingItUpAsIGo

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash. #TimeSaver #YouNeverNoticeWhenTwoDisappear #EventuallyEvensOut #NeverDisappointed

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

If there's two things I'm really good at, it's math. #IDoNASAsHomework #SmartKitty #BrainyKitty #LittleBallOfQuadraticEquations

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

I'm pretty sure this status will be seen by fives of people and liked ones of times. #TapTapIsThisThingOn #IKnowYoureThereIHearYouBreathing

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

I don't understand how people get eaten by sharks. I mean, how do you not hear the music? #DuhnDuhn #WereGonnaNeedABiggerBoat #Dummies

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

I wish people were more like money, so you could hold them up to the light and figure out if they're fake. #NotARealBenFranklin #BogusBucks

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

A fly was buzzing around, and the only thing in reach was a can of Axe body spray. He'll live, but he's probably not getting laid.

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

Eat in the past.
Travel everyday with a smile.
Never wear underwear.
I dunno. Inspirational statuses are hard.
#DoingMyBest #ALittleCredit

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

The self checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons. #NoPriceCheckPlease #JustGetThemAndGetOut

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

What a day! I did nothing and was absolutely exhausted by it! #EarlyMorningNap #MidMorningNap #AfternoonNap #20HrNap

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

People will stop asking you questions if you answer them with an interpretive dance. #MathTwist #PhilosophyBoogie #HistoryHop

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

Who here wants to give up on society and go live in a treehouse with me? #PackYourBags #PullingTheRopeLadderUpAfterMe

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

Describe yourself in three pizza toppings. #Pepperoni #Squirrels #Zambonis

[Nick Furry @iBonkYou]

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchuks, no one's eating fish ever again.