PJ Grasee

Your Only Source For Real Time McChicken Price Updates.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

*Warren gets out of bed and comes downstairs long after bedtime*

"Will our kittys keep us safe from the alligators?"

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Shout-out to my wife for having the vision and drive to make warming up a can of soup into a 10 step process.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Kolt: Alexa, play Baby Shark.
Alexa: omg....again?

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Me: Kolt, what did you learn in school today?
Kolt: Woodchips stay on the ground.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Me: Why are there four jars of the same salsa open in the fridge?
Em: I have a plan.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

This is how married people send dirty pictures. Gotta keep the passion alive.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

*Kolt drawing at his desk*

"PJ, did you know I can turn paper into garbage?"
"-Aw, buddy. Don't say that, you'll get better at drawing when you're older."

*Look over, Kolt is about to cry*
*See he was cutting up paper with scissors and not drawing*
"..Shit"
#stepdadmoments

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

“Kolt, look, it’s a possum.”
“-CAN THAT THING FLY?!”

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Wife: Why are the pliers in the kitchen?

*Flashback to me at 1am trying frantically to fix a bra I ran through the dryer*

Me: Uhh, no reason.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

What married life is like.

*Watching a movie and a new character comes on*
Me: *Excited deep breath*
Em: No, stop. I don't care what else he was in.
Me: *Exhales*

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Sometimes when I'm making a sandwich, the lunch meat makes my hands slippery, and I can't open the cheese package.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Life Pro Tip: Beat your kids in the back of the knees. They don't bruise there.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

I may have just ordered a pizza out of boredom rather than hunger. I guess we'll see when it gets here.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Never drink and microwave. I think I may have eaten a fair bit of melted plastic..

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

Good Deed of the Day: Broke up a fight between two squirrels on my way back from class.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

My legs are so sore that I'm not going downstairs for fear of not being able to get back up.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

If I were to wring my shirt out into a glass, it would probably make a pretty potent cocktail.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

The power is still out, so I'm grilling a pizza.

[PJ Grasee @iTheta]

I'd like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.