Cheeto Face

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

Don Cheeto

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

"Lets all remember Lynda, who believed that death was just part of life"

Me: "Ummm it's literally the only thing that's not part of life"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

What do you get when you cross a human with a giraffe?

A few lawsuits but also the most irritating image of a creature trying to eat food

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

Sometimes I think: "Man, why is it so easy for me to be better than everybody else?"

But then I remember, I have 12 arms.

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

"YOU HAVE TO CUT THE RED WIRE JOHN, YOU DONT HAVE MUCH TIME!!!"

"Dude honestly relax our toaster literally just short circuited"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

BREAKING: The infamous Overcoat Flasher opens his coat to unveil two more, smaller people supporting his weight. Well played, Flasher.

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

"Mr President the Russians are dispatching attack choppers to DC"

"Looks like they have... hella copters"

"Sir people are dying"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

*coma treatment center*

Doctor: "should I pull the plug?"

Father of patient: "nah leave the TV on I like watching it"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

*I spill milk*

friend: u know what they say! Don't cry over--

*friend slips on milk puddle, breaks both legs. screams*

me: pathetic.

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

when bae texts u "my rents aren't home", so u jump out of bed and grab your bronze idol and drive over to summon Deshus, God of Violence

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

Reporter: "Aquatic Man! What's your secret? How do you breathe underwater so long!?"

Aquatic Man: "That's my secret, I'm always drowning"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

"Howdy partner, welcome to the Ol' West Diner! Do you want to make a reservation?"

Native American Chief: "No...I..don't think I do.."

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

"Ew Tim stop cutting the cheese!!"

*Tim furiously slicing all kinds of exotic cheeses in a dark room continues his work in agony*

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

*the worlds strongest man competition*

*actually testing emotional strength*

"Contestant number 4, your family is dead, no one loves you"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

*first person to discover a slug ever*

"I should probably pour salt on this"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

BREAKING: Young boy kills every bird and bee in the world to avoid awkward talk with his parents.

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

"Son you need to stop texting"

*son deletes text to father saying "love u dad" and writes "Dad go get ur sword its time 2 duel"

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

Tired of wearing sunglasses? Try Rogaine for eyes! Instantly grow your own cool hair-shades right on your eyeballs!

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

BREAKING NEWS: Scientists discover the reason people are so attracted to the booty is because of its literal gravitational pull

[Cheeto Face @iamcheetoface]

*thief breaks into house*

Thief: where are the jewels!

Me: jokes on you thief I keep my jewels in a POOPY TOILET

Thief: you win this time