hannah

girl that says “it’s a party in here” when everyone’s in the kitchen at the same time

[Neet @neet_sol]

The economy is so bad that scam messages went from “you won the lottery” to “remote job available $18/hr”

[☈€ᗰ☡€↳ 🥀⭒ @ohremzel]

Bro is sleeping in a manger tonight 😭

[Max @MaxHomasexual]

Can’t believe I left this in the drafts

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

A guy at work told me he pooped his pants. I asked him if he thought he had that parasitic diarrhea that’s going around and he said “no it’s solid.” So I asked him what happened and he said “I just messed up” and walked to the bathroom.

[chaotic memes @memechaotic]

LMAO

[Carson Pace @Carsondaoboys]

You’re right that would be different

[dani @lesbinof]

Turned my small ingrown hair into a giant open wound

[FRAG @ffragx]

how the “hell-he-copped-her”

[Trophy Husband 🏆 @Brian_onX]

My wife will drink enough caffeine to kill a horse, binge a murder documentary, and then look me dead in the eye and say...

"I'm having a lot of anxiety today."

[weenie hut jr’s @suction4IDs]

🤔

[low yield lucy @picotop]

intern just said "type shit" to a client.

[Kensetsu @Kensetsu6]

I heard a gun shot. I texted my neighbor.

[Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1]

"I have to steal the Declaration of Independence because there's a treasure map on the back" is objectively the best plot ever for a movie. We're not going to be able to top that.

[rob @subwaybae]

Absentmindedly hit my vape during a telehealth call and my dr asked what was that and I just went mute

[Public Universal Friend @bnzbea]

Whatever Jehova witnessed I’ve seen worse

[eve @chainsawbaby]

i said mitch mcconnell was going to die like 3 years ago at a specific date and time and the fbi came to interrogate me at my job and they asked if i thought it was funny and i pointed at the 3 likes on the printed out post of mine sitting on the table with raised eyebrows lol

[cruelty+ ♅ @portal222heaven]

one time i was fucked up at a bar and when i went to pee there was a posted message some shit about "if your date is acting weird order an angel shot and we will help" but i just saw "angel shot" and was like "thats sooooo me" and i ordered it and they tried to kick my friend out

[jeremy @jeremylovesyall]

the one juror on the kirk trial who's gonna convince the other jurors that israel did it

[vivi @mooncatvivi]

how it feels trying to live life when u have the Does Not Want to Live Disorder

[Shannon Sharpe Enthusiast @lankretard]

Genuinely never seen some bullshit like this