Emily Smith

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

“Emily, hi! I’m Renee”
Me: “Hi, I’m Emily” 🤦🏻‍♀️

[US Consumer Product Safety Commission @USCPSC]

Nearly half of all tip-over fatalities occur in bedrooms. Does your child have heavy furniture in their room? Find out how you can #AnchorIt to keep it from falling over at https://t.co/50liIzT6MY.

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

Referring to dinner:
This tastes what I imagine dog food tastes like.
😑

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

“Welcome to McDonald’s”
“Is your ice cream machine working?”
“Of course”

😑

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

@chucksouth Same

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

I’d like to order room service please. Calamari. A burger. A pizza. Two cookies with milk. Some ice please.
For how many guests?
I hang up.

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

The prince looks at his princess and says “how did I get so lucky?”
My husband looks at me and says “was that smell you or him?”
@titusmith

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

https://t.co/fhnaLNSBnB

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

A four-year-old superhero https://t.co/8kVGv6AM0z via @cbssunday

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

I think the person who wrote “The Hokey Pokey” wrote the lyrics while dressing their 6 month old child.

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

@titusmith You=Ernie. Me=Bert.

[Titus Smith @titusmith]

Steve Nash perfectly articulates every reasonable argument I’ve ever heard (and then some) on gun control. #NeverAgain https://t.co/uBlLgVr0a4

[Titus Smith @titusmith]

Greatest. Thread. Of. All. Time. 👇 https://t.co/qd9BcaNTqD

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

@HOMAGE #BabyFaceFart

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

@jaime_lynz 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

You know when you go on long car trips and your car starts to smell like your body? Anyone?

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

When someone says let’s take a funny photo, I need them to define what level of funny they’re talking about. I’m always 🤪 and they’re 🙃

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

Watching ESPNs 30 for 30 on Owen and Haatchi has me 😭.

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

@titusmith Can we just clear up that this is not in reference to our son?

[Emily Smith @iamemilysmith]

@titusmith just admit it. You’re a softy. You were crying.