Ian Align

Ego is the anaesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@themiltonjones have you already thought of and used or rejected a 1 town show called Miltons Keen and turn up to all the gigs early?

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@ar5enal7 Absofuckinlutely matey I’ve got 2 weeks in the middle of August free, are you going away or free? It’s my turn to come out to deepest darkest essex

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@Arsenal @IanWright0 @DavidOLeary92 would you take a minute please out of your understandably busy day to say happy birthday to my mate Jason Tegg aka @ar5enal7 and despite being a gooner is an all round good bloke, massive arsenal fan and dedicated family man. Ty

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

Happy birthday @ar5enal7 me old mate. If anyone is seeing this from @Arsenal give your no1 super fan a birthday greeting. hope you’re having a good one, you deserve it

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

Why aren’t these everywhere? At 71.75 mph it should be an effective glued hand unsticker too

[Sandford Police Commentary @Sandford_Police]

Our Swift Protester Removal Vehicles have been deployed in #London to assist @metpoliceuk with slow walking #JustStopOil protesters

The vehicle is able to nudge protesters off the road up and is effective up to a max speed of 71.75mph

[Gyles Brandreth @GylesB1]

This is Bob who has been looking after Commonwealth War Graves in Britain & France for 37 years. I met him at Brookwood Military Cemetery for #WarGravesWeek which is encouraging people this week to visit one of the 13,000 locations where 300,000 war dead are buried in the UK

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@SixNationsRugby If you’re ever on the M45 and you see a sign for Rugby keep driving!!!

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@EbanieBridges

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@EbanieBridges Flubadabubbadabubbaflubbadubber… sorry about that

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@susie_dent @OED Dentiloquy surely comes from when you are alone speaking aloud regardless if theres an audience to hear it

Dentistry - if you were to compile a list of old boyfriends

Dentist - disparaging and detrimental thoughts and actions, unjustifiably, against the Dent family name

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@monstroso Have you seen the’BEAMRULES’ clip from cats does countdown?
Link below if you are too busy writing et al reasons

https://t.co/9WYFFPjMwo

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@Ossian414 There are millions upon millions of rea$ons how he babbies them up plus going on the engorged mammaries he’s now producing his own milk, one more plus point concerning his moobage, the man is a walking ticking stroke time bomb won’t see his 60th

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@erth_mthr @CarlBovisNature Singing sweet songs

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@Sandford_Police HGV caused contact, how can RATS get it so wrong, VOSA or DSA wouldn’t make such a ridiculous call, the idiot with the car licence overtook and cut in front of a PROFESSIONAL driver driving his lorry slowly and under full control. No brainer like the white van man

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@erth_mthr @susie_dent I agree it’s said much too much 🫨

[Richard Osman @richardosman]

The charts have just come out, and I'm absolutely thrilled to discover that #TheBulletThatMissed paperback has gone straight in at number one. Thank you to everyone for your continued support, it really means a lot. I am off to raise a glass to you all ❤️

[dominic dyer @domdyer70]

Over 24 million have viewed my tweets on the shooting of these two dogs by Metropolitan police last Sunday in East London, over a million on Tick Tock & hundreds of thousands on Facebook & Instagram as well. It truly has been a defining moment for policing in Britain. We must never see this happen again

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@phlaimeaux @richardosman ☀️🇫🇷 could do it, leave her signature and would get away with it as nobody would be able to solve the case

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@GylesB1 @CWPoetryPodcast When naming a cat using Twitter,
Take care of the troll and the twat,
No catty McCatface witter,
And stick to names apt for a cat.

Atonic when it’s a cat (could pair with another cat called Gin) and now Caboodle as it’s a kitten

[Ian Align @iamrob777]

@phlaimeaux No1 super guy