Ian Cooper

A writer of things.

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Honey Trap, by Ian Cooper. High school girls target a retired soldier for fun and games.
http://t.co/9MjeYKWQ0g

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Toronto Sun; Burning Questions: "...how come the cops won't defend us from the government...???"

#fuck

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Toronto Sun Columnist: every newsroom in town knew about John Tory's infidelity for weeks. It only remained for the Toronto Star, to stoop so low, as to reveal this to taxpayers...citizens...and fellow provincials.

#spin

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

A Sarnia realtor moves to Venice...

Homebuyer: does the basement leak.

Sarnia realtor: uh, no, why do you ask?

#frauds

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

As an author, your income tax return may be the greatest piece of fiction you ever wrote this year.

#tips #Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

An unnamed official, who requested anonymity, and who was not authorized to speak on the subject, said off the record, that it could not be an inflated Chinese condom because it was clearly more than 75 mm in length.
#UFOs

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

I actually think America shot down an #alien #UFO

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

You have this one weird trick in order to shrink your prostate on the internet.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

@TheBeaverton Breaking: Toronto Sun front page curiously blank as staffers try to figure out how #Justin #Trudeau responsible for former T.O. Mayor John Tory's infidelity.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Do you smoke after sex?

You might consider quitting sex.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Breaking News: Toronto Sun turns up #paranoia level up to 11.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

The well of patience has run dry.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

I'd rather clean the bathroom than do paperwork. You ever think about that, ladies and gentlemen.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Them: why do you have all these classified documents.

Me: it was the early days of the pandemic. I was afraid I might run out of toilet paper.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

...that vacuum cleaner stink in the air.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Vladimir Putin is suffering from an ingrown penis. Sooner or later that will fuck himself to death, and then maybe the world can get back to #abnormal

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

I've been doing some thinking, and for 2023; we will remain in touch with the #Universe

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Me: Hello, Dreamboat.
Them, (or They): What do you want, Shipwreck.

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

BREAKING NEWS: Vladimir Putin to step down as President of Russia, takes over as CEO of Twitter.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

Workers must seize the means of production, of oxygen, of biological diversity, of control over the land itself.

#Louis

[Ian Cooper @iancooperwriter]

If you ever get tired of pounding on things in your Steeves & Rozema apartment, you can always go back to the Toronto Sun comments section...

#Louis