Ian Wilson

I like saying things in my head. Now they can come out.

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

#tatooidea (primarily for men with small pecs)
A binary message (such as your name) across your chest using your nipples as 0s.

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

Double negatives, who couldn’t not live without them?

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

Students studying on the bus:
"Do we need to memorize the dude's name? Have you memorized his name? Do you know Karl Marx?"
#overheardconversations
#Ihearditontransit

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

The imperial system doesn't reflect the symbolic 2018 km journey of the #Olympic torch quite the same way. #OpeningCeremonies #USTV

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

Oh, the #irony of the phrase, "F****** rude prick"

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

1 year olds significantly change the meaning of the "last night was great" text from your significant other. #parenting

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

In light of changes, I will now be referring to this service as "TwitterTwitter" to reduce time having to repeating myself. #280characters

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

#parenting. When your tea water instead is packed to warm a bottle and your partner's lingerie becomes kid's dress-up clothes.

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

@jimmyfallon @Camila_Cabello No socks with sandles, that is way out of line. We wanna see your ankles, we wanna see your ankles. #summersongs #signofthesummertime

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

When a province blames their economic woes on the low oil prices, I feel it is an issue of failure to diversify. #OverSimplifiedPolitics

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

Sometimes I wish it was socially acceptable to take and share a picture of your poo. Only the interesting ones, though.

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

#IWouldRather have raisins in cookies than white chocolate. Both are low on the list though.

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

@RiffTrax @michaeljnelson when will you have a free shipping deal for digital products?

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

On the plus side, @AlecBaldwin will now be a feature player on #SNL. #USElection2016

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

#HappinessIs opening a halloween starburst and getting a pink and a red.

[Doug van Spronsen @dougvs]

Ya, I live pretty dangerously.

(Leaves iMessage read receipts on)

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

Hoping I don't put my hand in urine while actively searching the carpet for urine with my hand. #parenting

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

I hate it when you are unsure if a product is poorly designed or if you are just using it wrong.

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

Odometer in miles, signs in kilometres. Time to work on my 1.6 times tables #roadtripgames

[Ian Wilson @ianm_wilson]

I'm unsure if it is reassuring or unsettling that the bus has the same sanitized smell as a hospital. #ISmelledItOnTransit