Amateur Hour

junior correspondent.
senior despondent.

[Melian Refugee @escapefrommelos]

the biggest tell weed isn’t “non-addictive” is that frequent users almost always end up increasing their dosage with all kinds of goofy looney tunes ass methods of consumption until they’re functionally lobotomizing themselves for the day at 10am

[Amateur Hour @IanNullen]

Hey siri, play Punk Debutante by Cooler Kids

[Amateur Hour @IanNullen]

Paywall, obviously.

[Amateur Hour @IanNullen]

Notice how the powdered electrolyte market has been really blooming lately 👀

[The Wall Street Journal @WSJ]

You don’t need to make drinking water a part-time job since too much of it doesn’t have any real health benefit.

🔗: https://t.co/CBwSxzNZEG

[maja 🔭🍒 @majamediaco]

i have learned that if you are a Person With Theories, you simply cannot date someone who is theoryless. the theories can be wildly different, even occasionally deranged, but there must be theories. ideally over time your respective theory ecosystems begin to cross-pollinate

[Amateur Hour @IanNullen]

Holy shit! I definitely did think that until just now

[AdnaanJnr @AdnaanJnr]

When you realize Thanos wasn't using Iron Man to block Thor's hammer

[Amateur Hour @IanNullen]

In the chest please

[Winter @MsWinterrrr]

AOC is gonna start throwing hands if yall don't stop being weird.

[𝖓𝖆𝖟 @nazzygirlxx]

what doesn’t kill you makes ur eyes well up on public transport

[Amateur Hour @IanNullen]

Listened to Frank Ocean's Godspeed on a loop for 25 minutes in hopes of overstimulating the part of brain that connects to the lyrics so it can atrophy.
I don't think this plan is working though.

[JT @jiratickets]

>send potentially life changing risky text
>anxiously wait for her to text back
>pace around the room
>phone buzzes
>instantly check it like a trained dog
>it’s an email from chick-fil-a telling me they updated their privacy policy

[Nick Kapur @nick_kapur]

This amazing website, called "Worse on Purpose," is cataloguing all the ways companies are deliberately and secretively degrading their own products

As usual, in most cases the culprit is private equity extracting enormous sums while everyone else is left worse off.

[S★ @xxyllinn]

I don't want to "join the community" of a brand that sells socks. I just want the socks. Stop emailing me about your "mission statement." Your mission is to sell socks. We both know this.

[LBark @franzsherbert]

This may seem harsh but any experienced teacher knows that randomly killing yourself in the middle of a lesson is sometimes the only way to get the student to learn

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

Hotel lobbies and conference levels are public space if you present as housed

[Overton'sWindow @OvertonJsWindow]

Everyone wants to be white and whites are just last years blacks

[Tenobrus @tenobrus]

if u can't explain it to a room temperature iq chud who's calling u slurs in every other other reply, u don't really understand it

[Xavier's Online @xaviersonline_]

In 10 years we’re going to see posts criticising gen alpha for spending all their money on rice when sawdust is cheaper and just as filling

[Roshan Ramani @roshanramani007]

@gluetaster Amazon got people pedaling portable studio apartments now

[Joshwelt @weltszzn]

imagine if twitter had a "nah somebody already tweeted that.…. try again" feature😭😭

[Jai @Laneless_]

@lefthanddraft "and what about here in the conversation logs, where there's only one participant?"

"that was where I carried you"