chicken butt

we’re all just walking each other home. ➖ she/her

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We’re here on earth to fart around. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

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5 seconds into seeing my grandma and she immediately got shitty with me. 💚❤️💚 ah yes this is the Christmas spirit I remember.

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Me when my friends are pregnant:

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Oh @fatherjohnmisty is hot hot.

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My grandma should have to give me $10 every time she sends me a Facebook news post that could easily be proven wrong with a quick google search.

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@cmcbain17 Looking at you Maria!!!!!

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If I offered you a taste of my breast milk and you didn’t try it, you’re a little bitch.

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Remembering how fucked up giving birth was: 😫😫😫

Remembering they put a cloth over my butthole while I was pushing for “modesty”: 😏😏😏

[Chris @citehchris]

you should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough

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Why does standing up for yourself feel so uncomfy?!?!?!!! Pls just respect me!!!!!!

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I miss her

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@CheCheBayBay Sounds about right!!!!!!! Radio / entertainment industries are not for the weak. They’re hellscapes. ❤️‍🩹

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I wish I could go back in time to when I was on the radio and beat my coworker’s asses. 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

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The Orkin guy just saw my bare ass through my living room window.

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Texts from my 18 y/o cousin

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@aseriousmang It’s a losing battle for sure. My GMA sends me things about why being patriotic is important but she is literally married to a Ukrainian man so ???? Make it make sense gma.

Solid advice bergs bless u.

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How do you handle the old people in your life sending you stuff online that doesn’t align with you politically? Ask them to stop or just ignore until they can’t figure out Facebook messenger???

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@CheCheBayBay Noooo. My dad lived there for a while but I just visited.

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lol

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@mich0069 Toilet paper

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Jessica is kind of a sick ass name