snoozable lil buttered croissant

i am a little caesars pizza and i cannot be quenched she/her 🇬🇹

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

@ACircuitSlave honestly it doesn’t really. The final battle scene is ok but apart from that, it’s just info dumps in various caves

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

To follow up on this, I had broccoli that was about to go bad so I put it in the freezer and he saw it yesterday and was shook. “Do you know this is here? Why is it here?” I guess homie just doesn’t use freezers

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

the good news about gently seeing someone whose first language is not English: I get to teach him slang (he has really taken a liking to the phrase “giving head”)
the bad news: the phrase shrimps is bugs does not hit as hard in conversation with him

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

he was shocked and in awe that I store my alcohol in the freezer “it doesn’t freeze?” no baby that’s not how liquor works

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

I call my cats harness her hat and had to backtrack really quickly to inform him the word in English for this is NOT hat, that’s just me being a silly goofy girl. Obligatory cat in her hat post

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

he’s so frucking pretty I am about to explode

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

@hunterthequeen ur so Miley coded 👁️👄👁️

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

I have a tummy ache on the day I learned Toby Keith died. god takes and takes

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

just felt the biggest frickin earthquake of my life and that biddy shook for 45 entire seconds. all my neighbors went out immediately after to chat about it

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

I’m making one of those flaxseed face masks and you know what is stopping me from eating those soft flaxseeds in their own goo? nothing yum yum yum yum yum yum yum I love slimes

[pigeon princess 🐦‍⬛💞 @sandiegoeq1]

just a nug

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

@glori_moo those who have dropped out of school to run drugs for their nanas will never know 😔

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

And I am so distraught at having to start a different medication that my sweet boyfriend did the only thing he knew how to do to calm me down: make corn tortillas (and come into the shower fully dressed when he realized I was crying in it)

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

My mood stabilizer that I am on to not have life threatening reactions to minor inconveniences has decided it is time to give me a life threatening reaction to it

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

and I am so upset that I finally got over the side effects and have been doing so great on it and now it’s like “damn you really thought? Prepare to try to die if you don’t stop taking me”

[snoozable lil buttered croissant @ibroprofen]

it’s not feliz Año Nuevo without the bathroom floor being covered with glitter

[Read Raising Expectations (and Raising Hell) @JPHilllllll]

Oh god this just messed me up

[doomer @uncledoomer]

no, you do not have a “gene” that makes cilantro taste like soap. cilantro tastes like soap to everybody. the difference is that you have an underdeveloped palette and that everyone else is cultured enough to have learned to enjoy cilantro’s complex, soapy taste