Consent is nonnegotiable.
This was on my mind this morning; with the rise of TikTok dommes participating in this space (specifically, in findom or femdom), I've noticed an increasing rise in the fetishisation of unethical domination.
But what IS unethical domination, you ask?
It is the non-consensual use of power where a domme intentionally steps outside of the main principles of ethical BDSM. It purposely bypasses previously discussed boundaries to create REAL powerlessness or emotional degradation. It explicitly violates consent as the kink.
Now…why is this bothering me lately? You might think, "Well, these guys are going to mean dommes on purpose! 🤨 They deserve it! They’re practically asking for it, even if they never SAID it!"
Bullshit. Sure, I think that requiring aftercare in an online space is kind of iffy, but actual CONSENT is different.
Consent is NONNEGOTIABLE.
Repeat after me:
CONSENT IS NONNEGOTIABLE.
You are NOT participating in kink if you purposely violate a sub’s (or domme’s) boundaries. You’re just a really shitty person!
The specific instance that I’m thinking of is when an online domme posts their sub’s explicit pictures, real name, or IDs, without the explicit consent of the sub.
There are ways to explore bl@ckmail, of course. MANY subs have this kink, and I get asked for it on the daily. They BEG me to post their explicit pictures, thus humiliating them on my Twitter. Oh sure, I’ll play along and intertwine the spiciness of it into the roleplay, but am I going to actually post that shit? Good goddess, fucking no!
What many baby dommes don’t understand about this increasingly circulating bl@ckmail kink is that the subs are actively roleplaying when they are begging for it. They may be grown-ass men, but many do not remember that they are supposed to discuss boundaries with you before introducing this into roleplay. I get it, discussing boundaries is boring. The guy is hard, money in hand, and reaaddyyy for you to control him! Still, you need to do it when introducing this kind of kink that has the potential to utterly wreck someone’s life.
If you genuinely post someone’s personal, identifying information online without them explicitly saying they consent to it, you are committing a literal crime. I want dommes to remember this when you are considering what to do. You can NOT legally bl@ckmail someone. And who loses if you get into a legal situation with this in the future? YOU. Not your sub, YOU.
Protect yourself. Research this topic and how to participate in proper bdsm/kink. Dealing with grown men on the other side of the equation who don’t understand does NOT mean that you should also remain ignorant. A domme SHOULD constantly educate themselves to better their craft. It is the only way to stay in this industry long-term. You want to succeed? Research. Educate. Expand your beautiful, strong mind so that you can be the strongest, most stunning domme you can. The more you understand, the more you control the situation and your sub.
Subs, in turn, should also do their research. You are also responsible for yourselves. At the end of the day, you cannot expect your domme to read your mind 🤨
Remember, consent is nonnegotiable. Anything else is just low-class, dickhead behavior.
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