kassandra berger

so hip I'm practically a pelvis

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

everywhere: quarantine
united states: 𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒕 quarantine

[GoaT FacE @EndhooS]

Vet: your horse is lame.
Me: *looks at horse through window* he looks fine?
Vet: *cleaning his glasses* he's a fucking loser Dave.

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

@Chey_Miller cRUDEtons if they show up too much on my plate

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

perhaps I am alone in this sentiment, however often the worst part of the salad is the small crunchy bread

normally am team carb but I can't allow this thought to fester much longer

[Dan White @atdanwhite]

Ah yes. The time of year when everyone suddenly “discovers” Christmas music. I’ve been listening since May when no one was even talking about “Santa Baby.” I tried playing “Jingle Bell Rock” on 4th of July and no one wanted to hear. But I fuckin knew it was hot.

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

important announcement:

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

once puffins master fire we are fucked

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

at a bar
showing videos of my fucking cat

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

it's gaslit up in this house

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

@Chey_Miller @ebraid_myhair love to see yet another example of men hurting women

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

used to have this elderly regular when I bartended and his name was brad so whenever he came in i performed some rendition of "how is the man that is 75% rad" and he always tipped well and didn't talk too much

moral of the story is act like him and b rad

[GL @gldivittorio]

Parents please remember to check your children’s Halloween candy I found a liberal propaganda twix bar in my kid’s today

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

sour hurts in that good way

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

no one told me how sad it would be to listen to your cat in the crate on the way to the vet :'-(

[Soup @soupinthering]

i know the girl who got rejected on her fashion surgical mask idea on shark tank in 2009 is mad as hell now

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

cat wanders onto my porch and into my heart (house) and now gets free food and toys for life wtf

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

my cat born and raised outside won't eat the sausage from my pizza and that concerns me

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

@Wuggaaaaa_ @Natinthehat692

[kassandra berger @iceberrgg]

very important watch the Nardwuar and Eric Andre interview