idealpiper

memes and such

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Very soon Therapists will stop showing ink blots but instead they will show you memes and ask you “how attacked do you feel?” or “it do or dont be like that sometime?”

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Thinking of my mother during the Holidays, looking down on me. She's not dead or anything, just very condescending

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Dating apps will ask you to put:
- your age
- your height
- your ethnicithy
- your religious beliefs
- your political views
- your lifestyle
- your desire (or not) to have kids
- your diet, drug & alcohol intake
- even your income

But your weight is too personal? 😂😂

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

@GriffinBenger @WSOP How would you know?

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

@GriffinBenger @WSOP who does this guy think he is?

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Run clubs are just modern day speed dating meetings with extra steps

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

100 catholic preacher boys vs 1 pope

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

100 black people vs 1 smoke alarm battery

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

I can no longer endure the unrealistic societal pressure of having matching socks

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

I swear if I see another instagram story with the “summer is calling” filter Im snitching on everyone

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

At this point, if you asked me, whist holding a shotgun, to walk together to the back of the shed I’d be fkn thrilled.

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Psychiatrist: So we’re almost done,
let’s see how are your hormones.

Me: *blushes*..uhh.. i mean they’re average, not too loud not too quiet.

Psychiatrist: ….

Me: ..OH…you mean like… in my body not whor..

Psychiatrist: Yeah…. *scribbles aggressively on pad*

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

“Tall, funny, handsome, rich, humble, great in bed, attentive, caring, generous, ambitious. These are the qualities women look for in a man & honestly it ain’t even asking for a lot. Bare minimum if you ask me smh the dating scene is so tough for women.” - dudes tryin to get laid

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Lesson 1 in how to piss off all parties involved:

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Nothing hurts more than getting ghosted by someone whose leagues below you.

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

If you’re my homeboy and Im dating someone and you put them on your close friends stories list, we’ll need to have a sit down buddy

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Date idea:
We get tipsy of some good wine and go on FBmarket and do this:

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Dating men in their 30s is like getting a used car, it runs fine but check engine light is on and they refuse to see a mechanic (therapist)

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

A moment of silence for the fallen homie

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Trying to have conversation on dating apps is like talking to a late state dementia patient phasing in and out

[idealpiper @idealpiper]

Dating in your 30s is like dating in your 20s but you’re 10 years older.