natural selection

[Hana Baig, MD @hanabaig_]

Iced coffee is for pleasure, hot coffee is for business

[Jhonny ⚹٭ @JhonnyWhite69]

bro a netflix comment section would go crazy

[virgobaby @maybeeevirgo]

i’m like “i don’t give a f*ck” then have an anxiety attack

[jazzily @hello1ts_jazz]

“are u ok?” no, i need moneeEeeyy

[♡ GODDESS BUTANGEL420 ♡ @butangel420]

Maturing is realizing you’re not mentally stable enough to do acid

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

"Duct tape, Brian? You thought DUCT TAPE would stop me? I'm a little offended, I thought you had more respect for me than that."

[CAPYBARA MAN @CAPYBARA_MAN]

pulling up

[Andrea Junker @Strandjunker]

If Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh doesn’t want to be bothered at dinner, perhaps, according to his own logic, he should simply not allow himself to get hungry.

[Anne Chovy @AnneChovy2]

yes ill hold

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

i need a moment please

[invader zim @f8the]

im not paying 4K for a dog unless dat mf talk like brian griffin

[fredesque @FredTaming]

dentist: have you been flossing

me: have you?

dentist: [to assistant] can he do that

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

When Amazon tells you your package is out for delivery

[kelly @BoyYeetsWorld]

becoming a person who wakes up at 7am without an alarm clock it’s fucking disgusting