If We Were Villains

Tweeting quotes from “If We Were Villains” by M. L. Rio every 3 hours. Made with @GimmickBots.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

if you haven’t made any enemies in life, you’ve been living too safely.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

“When you say ‘more than friends’ …”
I wait. “Yes?”

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

Walton: “Another fourth-year?”
Colborne: “Marks’s roommate. They live in the attic room upstairs.”

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I lay on my back, dismayed that the five or six inches of space between us suddenly felt like a hundred miles.

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Filippa made a small gagging noise, and I swallowed a nervous laugh.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

He was the sort of actor everyone fell in love with as soon as he stepped onstage, and I was no exception. Even in our early days at Dellecher, I was protective and even possessive of him when other friends came too close and threatened to usurp my place as “best”

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“I’m sorry,” I said again, wishing I had never spoken, wishing I’d had the sense to sit there with her and marvel at the fact that she wanted to sit there with me, and not ask why.

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I thought of him twirling a strand of her hair, and it occurred to me that he’d do just about anything she asked him to. Something clenched uncomfortably in my chest.

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I blinked, already at a loss.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

I am all too aware of my own desperate need to find a message in the madness, and as it takes shape I am suspicious, afraid to hope.

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“No, why don’t we just— We can share, can’t we?”

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

Alexander in the gallery, pretending to share a cigarette with Homer.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

It occurred to me (for the first time, I think) how alone we were when the Castle was empty, when there wasn’t a party, when the other students were all half a mile away at the Hall.

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“I think he was enamored with you because you were so enamored with him.”

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

How could we explain that standing on a stage and speaking someone else’s words as if they are your own is less an act of bravery than a desperate lunge at mutual understanding?

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

He started to say something—maybe my name—but only the ghost of a sound slipped out before he stopped, pressed the back of his hand against his mouth.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

I thought of meeting James in the bathroom the night of the party. By some unspoken agreement, we hadn’t mentioned it to the others.

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With it came a soft, senseless panic—I couldn’t see James anymore. I fought the impulse to grope across the bed until I found his arm. I spoke out loud, just to hear him reply.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

“Jesus!”
“Hush, Oliver, it’s me!” James reached around me to pull the door shut. His arm brushed across my bare stomach and I shivered at the dampness of his skin.

[If We Were Villains @ifwewerebot]

It was violent, aggressive, the handkerchief and its delicate seduction crushed and forgotten. If they’d had claws they would have mauled each other. I felt hot, sick, light-headed. I wanted to look away but couldn’t—it was like watching a car crash.