Ian Power

If any of my tweets annoy you, please remember I'm just trying to have a laugh. If none of my tweets have annoyed you, be patient, they will.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

I, for one, am a great fan of Roman numeral puns.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

Hipster colleague doesn't have breakfast when his girlfriend forgets to buy his "favourite artisan sourdough".

What. A. Twat.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

Have you noticed that people who say “I have no words!” usually go on to have far too many words?

[Ian Power @IHPower]

Why are there no painkillers in the jungle?

Because the low density of population makes all retail enterprises unsustainable.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

The worst thing about public transport is the fact the public uses it.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

If you’re English and check back far enough, you’ll find you are descended from immigrants. Think on, racists.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

[job interview]

“Describe yourself in three words?”

“Always pushing the boundaries.”

[Ian Power @IHPower]

True story: I once got into a Twitter row with a UKIP supporter. She later boasted how she'd upset "an ugly cunt of a priest".

[Ian Power @IHPower]

"Like an Egyptian.”

"No, this way.”

"No, like an Egyptian!"

"NO, THIS WAY!"

The Bangles and Aerosmith arguing. Ft RUN-D.M.C.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

Lif's too short.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

Can I stop walking like an Egyptian yet?

[Ian Power @IHPower]

There should be some sort of compulsory 'umbrella proficiency test', shouldn't there?

[Ian Power @IHPower]

I asked the Doctor whether masturbation causes poor eyesight. He said, "You're in Greggs, mate".

[Ian Power @IHPower]

I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl but standing behind an old lady who's telling the Doctors' receptionist her life story.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

My German friend's just phoned to say her daddy's trying to make her go to rehab. I told her to call 999.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

If it's drunk to the halfway point it's half empty and if it's filled to the halfway point it's half full. I hope this has cleared it up?

[Ian Power @IHPower]

I’ve just read someone's timeline and their tweets look intelligent, well thought out and fact based. We don't need that fucking sort on here!

[Ian Power @IHPower]

By the time you’re 35 you should have invested at least half of your liver in having a fucking good time.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

Is it poor form to be absolutely delighted that every Arsenal fan is totally gutted right now?

Asking for everyone who doesn’t support Arsenal.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

“One of the aims is to be followed by as many strangers as possible”. - A parent explaining Twitter to their child.

[Ian Power @IHPower]

When you proudly prove you can wank and catch it in the other hand.