ً

comfortable in the problem

[ً @iIlfated]

gotta love when fall rolls around and my mental health gets simultaneously better and worse

[ً @iIlfated]

@dis0rient dude, same.

[ً @iIlfated]

i always feel on edge. when i am “happy” im trying to grasp onto it but theres always something missing. theres always self hate and constant panic and worry in my head. nothing can ever be good enough because im myself

[❁ @dis0rient]

being fat makes me fucking miserable and it's totally within my control to do something about it, so i promise i'm not gonna waste even one more day eating like a fat cow. instead i'm gonna devote my effort to finally achieving the kind of body i can handle existing in. lets gooo

[ً @iIlfated]

@dis0rient it works better/faster than bio oil like in weeks if youre consistent w it. np!

[❁ @dis0rient]

every. single. moment. is ruined by my fat disgusting body and i hate it so much

it's not even just the obvious stuff like being unable to wear clothes i want. no, even something as basic as walking down the street becomes depressing when i remember that i'm in this hideous body

[ً @iIlfated]

@dis0rient way more than kinda cool :p happy for you, that shows that you can do it. even if you do slip up. proud of you

[❁ @dis0rient]

wanna reinvent myself in so many ways but i feel like:
• most of them require being thin first
• i don't deserve to self-improve in other ways until i am thin

[ً @iIlfated]

i spend all day every day hating myself. its all-consuming, tiring, and so overwhelming. there are no breaks. i want know what it feels like to not hate myself so bad

[❁ @dis0rient]

misplaced. detached. distant.
i've always felt like i'm just not on the same page as people around me, like i'll always ultimately be alone no matter who's around. i don't think there's a place in the world for me. i live too much in my head and my head is a miserable place lmao

[ً @iIlfated]

im so tired of hating myself. i cant take this

[ً @iIlfated]

for some reason im thinking about kms again all of a sudden. its been so long but this is so hard right now i dont even know how to feel or what to do with myself. my whole body feels weak. i have never felt like this. i wish i had the courage to

[ً @iIlfated]

i feel like im not meant/allowed to have even a little bit of happiness with all my other shit but im trying so hard to let myself. but the more i let myself the more its gonna hurt later. & i kind of hate being happy because i constantly worry about losing it. im just doomed lol

[ً @iIlfated]

i NEED to lose weight. i waited too long, i cant keep fucking up my life because i hate myself. being fat has held me back way too much. i could be happy

[ً @iIlfated]

im disgusting and its killing me
i want to get bad again

[ً @iIlfated]

@gaydeviI uh ha ha

[❁ @dis0rient]

i literally won't let myself talk to people i want to be friends with bc of my weight, i won't apply for certain jobs bc of my weight, i won't do so many things all bc i feel so fucking fat and disgusting. the amount of opportunities i've missed out bc of my weight on is unreal

[ً @iIlfated]

me right now and always

[ً @iIlfated]

im not allowed to be happy