Lydia

23 | Valorant enjoyer |

[SR meL @melanji]

I’ve been reflecting a lot on what trans and nonbinary folk experience in the esports community. I hope this message isn’t too late, given recent events.

There are many issues I could talk about, but I just want to speak on one: there must be an unspoken grief in being trans and seeing your idols vilify you.

I grew up watching CS:GO. My favorite team was Luminosity after Cluj-Napoca in 2015. I remember rushing home from school to scour twitch chats and copy my favorite players’ settings. I cheered when C9 won the Boston Major. And of course I watched all of the Rank S highlights and can still quote the funniest clips from heart, even 11 years later (jeez im old).

Esports was an escape for me, as I’m sure it is for so many of us. Yet, because I am a woman, I watched with dread as my escape was bastardized over the years by influential figures ostracizing women. I saw the same people I looked up to point and laugh and say people like me were inferior, that we could never do what they do, that we don’t belong in esports, that trans women weren’t my friends and were out to get me.

That anguish and betrayal I felt from a community I poured years of my life into is exactly what trans women and nonbinary folk experience times ten. They are esports fans just like anyone else. They’re here as an escape just like anyone else. They don’t want to be treated differently from anyone else. All they want is the same respect you give any other human being.

After asking for something so simple, so basic, they experience far more hate and rejection at the hands of the very people they look up to. All while already living life constantly vilified and questioned. It’s a shame we’ve allowed this radioactive environment to fester here.

To my peers: I promise you some of your biggest fans HAVE BEEN trans and nonbinary folk. Gaming is incredibly diverse, and if you’ve played in front of a crowd, you know this already. They tell others how good you are. They try to copy how you play. They make beautiful art of you and your teams. They wake up early or stay up late to watch your games. They celebrate your successes and feel for your failures. They’re just like any of your supporters.

Thank you to those who know this already. I promise your acceptance doesn’t go unnoticed.

For those who don’t: It’s an incredible opportunity and gift to be someone’s escape in this world. What a waste to squander it.

And to the trans and nonbinary folk reading this: you are welcome here. Existence is resistance. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[aramori @Aramori_]

today im feeling super thankful for all the women who have come before me in esports, breaking glass ceilings and giving me someone to look up to.

now, I hope to do the same for a younger generation of gamers.

keep playing yall, we got this. ❤️

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@DruePhoto This one really left me speechless. Your work is amazing as always dude

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@tastywaffle Also I would walk to and from work most days. It was my quiet no screen time. I had a pretty good schedule imo.

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@tastywaffle I was working until 6pm mon-fri for a while I would get home and eat quick before scrims at 7 or 8. On my days off work I would cook enough to last me a while so I would be able to have those quick meals. After scrims would either be ranked or map prep or something then bed.

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@tastywaffle It was a lot but I enjoyed it.

[Amy1 @Amy1VL]

So many people in the GC scene doesn't understand that if you want a successful team you need to sit through that period where nothing is working and that talking about the issues in the team is the solution but nono we want some sort of fairy tale insta success

[eskay @eskay520]

I was asked how I stay completely unbothered through people flaming me for being a girl in game, people insulting my appearance, people calling me a man, etc, so I will share my secret for the girlies

I used to think that if I was better at the game, they wouldn't flame me, or that if I was prettier, nobody would call me ugly, or tell me I'm a man or say i look like a man. And when these things happen it feels like your fault!! But over the years, as I got better and better at games, hit the highest rank, and even competed as a pro, it never stopped. And as I got prettier and my voice became prettier and I put more effort into my appearance, it also never stopped!!

I realized that no matter how good at the game i am, no matter how beautiful I am, no matter how much I pass or how similar I am to c1s women, these people will still say those terrible things. And that's depressing, but also freeing in a way!!

Aramori is a North American champion in marvel rivals and people still say she's carried. I'm a top 500 dps player and people still tell me to get on support. Margot robbie gets transvestigated. These people just spew hate no matter how perfect you may be, so don't ever feel like it's your fault.

People ask me what's wrong with my voice, they say I sound like a man trying to sound like a woman, but on a TikTok where they didn't know it was eskay, there's thousands of comments talking about how pretty my voice is. People say I'm ugly, or look like a man, but everything I experience in real life says otherwise, and on dating apps every single right swipe is a match 💀 these people will make up anything to try and bother you!! Find security, know that they'll say it no matter what, and you can be free!!

That isn't to say it doesn't get to me sometimes. I'll play terribly if I'm going negative and someone starts going off about how women can't be good at games. But after the games over, I just get really angry and want to get better to prove them wrong. I climbed from bronze in valorant to immortal 3 because of spite!! And for years i went through a cycle of building up my confidence, turning on facecam and getting it completely destroyed, spending weeks thinking I'm so ugly I shouldn't go outside because people will have to look at me, and then building it back up again. But once I realized theyll spew hatred no matter what, and as more and more experiences changed the way I see myself, gave me confidence, and showed me the holes in what these people were saying, i became more resistant!! I haven't been broken since January 2024, my longest streak ever 😁

have a wonderful day

[tenzin @TrulyTenzin]

If you play initiator and don't use your mic, FUCK YOUUUU SOOOO BADDDDD

[FNATIC chi @chachiVLR]

Hello! 🫶

For my bachelor thesis research about esports & experiences of women in videogames, I am looking for women that game to complete my survey. It only takes 5-10 minutes & would help me out massively.

I appreciate sharing / retweets, thank u :)

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@neme_fps Still the best gamer I know woweeeee

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@alrightdani @Error404HQ Congrats! Happy for you!

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@ejmarchini I bought myself some dice for Christmas and I’ve been looking for people to play with for months. I even tried convincing my family to try it. I miss a good dnd session.

[Soul Chains @ChainsSoul]

Great day for the GC scene today, both MIBR and SR are now one match away from qualifying into their respective Challengers league.

We've never been this close to having 2 GC teams join the tier 2 circuit, both teams could make history tomorrow.

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@judgmentna A lot of people also don’t realize that riot loves creating their own metas. Chamber, neon and now tejo. I want the players to be able to be creative it’s my biggest complaint for the game.

[Elisabeth Marchini @ejmarchini]

don't make me tap the sign

[Lydia @iisbunny]

@isohxo 60% of my games are like this. It’s hard to want to play.

[Lydia @iisbunny]

I also believe that players should have a hand in creating metas not riot just super buffing different agents to make their own meta. Let us have creativity.

[Lydia @iisbunny]

I don’t know if I can come back to valorant in a serious way anymore. Riot keeps pushing the skill ceiling farther and farther down that it genuinely makes me sad. I want nothing more than to compete and enjoy the game again but what’s the point?

[Lydia @iisbunny]

I’m keeping an open mind as I try the new act but it’s so hard for me to want to play a game that allows players to do the bare minimum and win for it. I’ve thought about it for a long time but every new patch pushes me away from the game.