Keith Johnson

Aspiring trophy husband, future GQ cover, small town socialite, ΣΦΕ

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Me @ 6 years old walking back into the house for dinner after I told my parents I’m running away and they would never see me again

[Elizabeth Gillies @LizGillies]

🕺🏻✨🕺🏻✨🕺🏻

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

@Laurynnboo I’m guessing 1987, not 2987?

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

From personal experience, that would be ✨depression✨

[ry $ @RylieMichael]

🚨🚨YALL I NEED YOUR HELP!!🚨🚨 if you know me you know mich ultras are my favorite and all i want for my college graduation is a care package from them so PLEASE HELP ME OUT AND RT!! @MichelobULTRA

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

The only difference now, she just gets an Uber eats notification, she’s literally an angel

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

And I do it again 👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

What happens when you offer me an android charger

[roddy bicch 性交 🅴 @hardsoh]

THE WAY I’M HACKING A LUNG RN

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Discussing my birthday dinner.... and for these reasons I am out

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

@ryleighhightree I say we get the old crew together and release the formula via drunk insta live

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Want me to send one in the mail or by pigeon?

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

And scene... Y’all thought I was happy the last 25 years

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Choose your fighter

[chunky fila @chunkyfila]

call my ex a car loan the way she had 0% interest in me for 36 months

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Clearly Mary and I haven’t changed https://t.co/QkRerIqmhs

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Y’all was I the only one who didn’t know about this?

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Your man belongs to the streets, I belong to the state, we are not the same... and that on mental illness

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

@AlexReady3 Sounds like fun to me but hell for you

[Alex Ready @AlexReady3]

Just realized my other friend, doesn't even follow me back on Twitter @ikeithjr

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

God, why you still playing me?

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

Me: God can you send me someone that isn’t gonna ghost

*Ghosted for the 100th time*

God:

[Keith Johnson @ikeithjr]

@amand_nah No you fuckin rock! Vanessa Hudgens sounded ass!!