illem dafoe

emcee/ musician/home chef/saucier that sometimes enjoys taking precision measurements for a living.

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

As a kid I wanted to be a member of The Foot Clan so I could skate indoors and play arcade games at the hideout all day, and all I'd have to do is occasionally get my ass kicked by Ninja Turtles.

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

@ProperPoe Yes. It was like a peach flesh tone onesie, and you'd crawl into this big egg shaped dome and put on fake giant naked feet with sandals, then stand on the corner with a sign depicting the latest pizza special, looking like Little Caesar pizza pizza

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

S/O to the time in '97 when I got jumped in the Little Caesar outfit on Colfax but the head and body was a dome made of sturdy plastic so the blows just echoed "thumpa-thumpa-thumpa" and then my boss laughed when I told him what happened

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

Pat Sajak's really been out here treating contestants like shit for decades #WheelOfFortune #wheel

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

Remember when ud beat your brothers in a video game and they said ur being cheap? not my fault u only know haduken, then I hit u with 11 tatsu-maki-sen-pukiyakus. Ain't nobody cheat. Same game, same console, same controller.. Suck it up.
I dunno, just felt relevant #2020Election

[Nate Jackson @NathanSerious]

“Wanna be a pit bull?
You’re a cockerspaniel
Wanna be Belichick
But you’re Josh McDaniels”

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

Hot Cross Buns - worst song ever?

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

God Of War is being in some cavern, like "Why can't I get to THAT THING RIGHT THERE? How do I get to that thing? It's RIGHT THERE." then I give up and take some other tunnel. but later, after 11 fights and dying 20 times, I get to the thing. And it's some Hacksilver #godofwar

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

Peanut Butter Twix > regular Twix and I WILL fight you

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

Has anybody told @dmac1043 that @JeremyHubbard was taking shots at him on the 5 o'clock news yesterday? 😂

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

Way to keep it classy, @ColbyCovMMA s/o to Matt Hughes

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

@markschlereth you seen this?

[The Dan Le Batard Show @LeBatardShow]

Flying into training camp in a hot air balloon? Pulling up in an armored truck? A real man's man doesn't bother with such frivolous things. Mark Schlereth takes us to school as we look into enrolling in MAN 101. #YoureWelcome
-Lorenzo

[Ben Golliver @BenGolliver]

After Game 4 win over Blazers, Nuggets' Nikola Jokic breaks the podium microphone, guiltily triple-takes, then declares: "Someone broke it."

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

@RareBreedRarity They eat ducks whole bro

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

#robertkraft #nfl #patriots

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

#robertkraft #nfl #patriots

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

I'ma a Childish Gambino fan, but he should've showed up to the Grammys so he could thank @jaseharleymedia for letting him steal his song 🤷‍♂️ #thisisamerica

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

To my fellow white people - please stop taking last names and making them your child's first name.

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

@ESPNFANSUPPORT your service is trash. Signed up for espn+, can't link it to my ps4. I'm missing the fights because of this. Trash.

[illem dafoe @illemdafoe]

@RareBreedRarity Chocolate X Punter 😂