Remember when we cried as kids and our parents said “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
We thought they were going to hit us but instead they destroyed the housing market, quadrupled college tuition, and melted the ice caps
I’m opening a food truck that sells fried chicken sandwiches and waffle fries. Park near a Chick-Fil-A, but we’re only open on Sundays. Calling it Side Chick
*Breaking News*
Putin has agreed to talks with Ukrainian’s Zelensky according to several reputable sources. However subsequently and for logistical reasons, Putin cancelled due to the fact Russia simply had no conference room large enough to house Zelensky’s ginormous balls
Happy Valentines to all those who are taken, almost taken, taken for granted, waiting to be taken, assumed to be taken, and those who aren’t taken seriously
Sometimes I think about our ancestors who literally hunted and fought wild animals for food are probably watching me from above have a panic attack while calling to order pizza