Katelyn

cocaine is spooky

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

Happy birthday, @ChrisHemsworth! You’re beautiful inside and out. I mean that. I’ve seen you indoors. I’ve seen you outdoors. Both are great.

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Weird. My daughter JUST stabbed me in the right eye. (She’s not a ninja, but she IS a bit of a dick) Point is, We can finally trade roles... (Happy Birthday Bubba!)

[Sam Collins @itsSamCollins]

sometimes my humor is so dark or i just sound too serious & everyone thinks i’m angry or “going off” but i’m just trying to be funny

[frnkiero: Party (goth) Dad @FrankIero]

#ActualConversation
Miles: dad, knock knock!
me: who’s there?
Miles: pig
me: pig who?
Miles: oh wait, i messed it up... knock, knock!
me: who’s there?
Miles: interrupting pig
me: interrupting pig who?
Miles: oh wait, do it again
me: ok, interrupting pig wh..
Miles: PIG!!!!!!

[Sam Collins @itsSamCollins]

i just saw 8 year olds listening to cardi b & i’m so happy that when i was 8 i chime in that haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door

[Sam Collins @itsSamCollins]

my friend just looked in the mirror and said “oh my god ew i need help” AND IM DEAD HAHAHA

[Panic! At The Disco @PanicAtTheDisco]

First Saturday night of tour in Detroit ✌️

[Tig Notaro @TigNotaro]

{God inventing turtles}
What if a lizard had social anxiety?

[Cole M. Sprouse @colesprouse]

Hell sounds pretty bad, sure, but have you ever watched ASMR eating videos?

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

If my daughter proves she can take care of the Fire Ants I got her, we’ll get her the damn kitten.

[Cole M. Sprouse @colesprouse]

Home is where your loose hair is in abstract shapes on the shower wall.

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Couldnt agree more. Gluten Free cigarettes are still very bad for you. https://t.co/AHZ52Bz4Ya