A LETTER TO MY SUBCONSCIOUS
โI hate that I have to sit on my head just to gain a speck of humane feeling. ๐
I probably hate everything that changed the trajectory of my life.
โBuh how bad could it have been?
I mean, how good could it have been?
โIf I'm meant to be an example for others,
Am I doing a good job or a bad one?
โAm I a good example or a bad one?
โDo I get to be used as a good comparison, or am I just the bad picture I once painted?
โIs tragedy a lifestyle?
โDo I get to question my insecurities or just live with them?
โWhy do I feel like my decisions have done a great deal to my personality?
โI feel like a devil most times.
Maybe I'm one?
โI'm sorry if everything I ever fed you was negativity.
โBuh am I to be blamed? The rejection I suffered as a kid says otherwise.
โI crave to feel like I belong, buh there's always that voice that pushes me down the rabbit hole. ๐ณ
โThe dark is beautiful; I guess I wasn't paying enough attention to it.
Now I see why demons lurk best at night.
โI'm not the best at what I do, buh I'm the best at being the worst.
โI'm sorry if all I ever laid on your table was regret.
โI'm sorry if all I ever wanted for you was pain.
โI searched deep to find an ounce of peace, buh all I saw was a shattered mirror of myself.
I'm easily triggered, buh I don't act it out.
Acting tough is one of my coping mechanisms, buh can you blame a personality that never got a meaningful grasp of reality before it got thunderstruck?
โI'm sorry if all I ever fed you was misery.
I said it's all okay, buh you wanna scream so I play a song to drown you out.
โI'm sorry if all I ever fed you was misdirection.
I thought I saw a clear path, buh asking for help just feels too weak.
โI'm sorry that this phase of mine that I claimed was gone is back again.
โBuh I'd rather wrap myself with a clothing of tears than tell someone how much it hurts to wake up and feel empty every day.
โThanks for this... I'm grateful.
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