So let me get this straight.
Jake Tapper is focused on attacking my Mom.
Jared and Ivanka are building a private island paradise on Albanian protected land.
Don Jr married the daughter of Epstein’s banker, and a startup his fund backs just got a record $620M Pentagon loan.
Eric is taking an Israeli drone company public for $1.5B in the middle of a war with Iran that nobody wanted.
And I know: “But what about your paintings, Hunter?”
Please.
Many other players in the NBA would flop on the contact he creates with Cason Wallace.. but Ant is a dog who wants to take your soul and that’s why I’ll always love watching him play - win or lose
Flight attendant comes over intercom: “your flight is oversold, I need two volunteers to take a flight this afternoon for a $300 voucher.”
I spring into action. I was born for these moments. This is why I studied game theory. Literal tingles. I pull out my megaphone and address our boarding gate: “guys, they absolutely must off board at least two passengers or this bird isn’t taking off. Every 3 minutes they will increase their bid by $200. If we all hold out for 45 more minutes, 2 of us can make nearly 5 grand each. Textbook prisoners dilemma, this is (3,3) in its most visceral representation. I’m not even going to give up my ticket but I know value when I see value. Let’s make Nash proud ladies and gentlemen. Do not acquiesce. Do not defect.”
Anyhow 2 people immediately accepted $500 and I called them retards on my megaphone and was placed in a detention room by airport police. This is why we study game theory.
Public Intoxication X 2. Responded to report of intoxicated subject in men's restroom near Section 334/335. Called sober friend. Sober friend arrived intoxicated. Arrested. #BTHOmississippistate
ages 18 to 24 are weird. some friends can’t drive, some are still virgins, some are dating, some are getting married, some already have kids, and some still need to ask their parents if they can stay out after 10 pm
My grandma said “keep $5 in your pocket just in case you see a cute girl and you can get her Iemonade” grandma these bxtches don’t want lemonade they want ChaneI bags 😩
If Zohran Mamdani becomes NYC mayor at the age of 33 it will be a death blow to millions of young south Asian men in this country.
Every desi parent is gonna be like, “Zohran was Mayor of New York City at 33! You haven’t even bought a house yet! Why can’t you be more like him?!?”
Ohhhh dark days ahead for south Asian men. Smh.