Jon Jahrmarkt

Phoenix's foremost diabetic gay improvisor

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

My personal boycott of Avatar 2 worked like a charm and he lost my sweet $14 of profit.. I've heard Cameron Diaz is a monster!

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

The bane of my typing existence is when . and , become < and > with the Shift key. So glad Delete still works the same.

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

The perfect sentence fragment doesn't exi--

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

If you know anyone who gets excited about 2/22/22 2sday with a charming, innocent glee, tell them they should have celebrated at 2:22:22am and it’s gone now and they can try again on 3rdsday 3/3/33, or 2/2/2222, then pull in your cigarette smoke and slowly blow it in their face.

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

What's the big deal about Novak Djokovic? I did just as well in the Australian Open as he did.

[Jon Cooper 🇺🇸 @joncoopertweets]

BREAKING: The Ohio Supreme Court has STRUCK DOWN the GOP’s state House and Senate maps as unconstitutional gerrymandering!

Retweet this excellent news! 🇺🇸

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

@Crapgame13 Andy Dick?

[Tammy Duckworth @SenDuckworth]

Retweet if you’d like to see the Senate defend our democracy and move forward on legislation to protect the freedom to vote for every American.

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

@PolarizePolaris https://t.co/kjOdInC7uA

[Nicholas James @WelchWasHere]

A monster that disembowels you would be scary but so would be a monster that embowels you. Just stuffing you full of all sorts of new bowels

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

Happy New Millennium! I can't believe it has been 1000 years since 1022. It seems like only yesterday when we had thought that there were four body humors and that we mixed up the brain with the heart. Tymme pflyes!

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

Within the first couple seconds after the Big Bang, the Higgs boson field immediately allowed particles to have mass. It was a case of hurry up and weight.

[Caroline Ellert @Caroline_Ellert]

An appraisal valued Carlette’s Indy home at $110K. Then she took out all African artwork, pictures of her family, and had a white, male friend sit in the house posing as her brother. After that? The home was valued at $259K. https://t.co/YNnfqYMzu9

[Racism Watchdog @RacismDog]

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

@ninky Has it risen in your estimation? Stayed the same, or drooped a bit?

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

Sweet! I heard for the last episode of Wandavision they are bringing in writers David Benioff and DB Weiss!

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

They're not choosing a new Dread Pirate Daft Punk? :-(

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

@rjstorybreak With JarJar's fall still in midair, JarJar's statue topples over, and its legs flip upward. JarJar falls scissoring the statue's legs and crushes his balls on the statue's balls. -- Even though this didn't happen as I envisioned, I am eager for force ghost Quigon!

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

Building renovations for as little as the price of a 2-by-4. Ask me how!

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

I believe your zodiac sign has a strong correlation with the date of your birth.

[Jon Jahrmarkt @improvjon]

Honestly, AZ is so lucky DJT wanted to fight with an honest, but dead, senator.