William Clancy

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

#madonnamobile

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

Every idiot at an airport bar thinks they’ve invented a completely “boarding strategy” that they can’t wait to talk loudly about

[Darshak Rana ⚡️ @thedarshakrana]

https://t.co/MR6xBJJ9BB

[John Palmer @johnpalmer]

https://t.co/KrI5bqIUkH

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

Currently stuck in the chattiest jetway of my life waiting to board a southwest flight

[Rajat Suresh @rajat_suresh]

Grinch: I would like to buy a dog

Pet store employee: ok are you a guy?

Grinch: No. I am some sort of gorilla

Pet store employee: That is fine.

Grinch: A green gorilla

Employee: Doesn’t matter

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

The stats don’t lie—you love music. You listened to it this year. Your favorite type of music was songs! You played a song on your phone.

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

Hot damn the bulls suck

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

After careful consideration and long deliberation I have unfortunately decided I cannot endorse anyone choosing to buy, lease, or rent a @Jeep wrangler

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

Wow…. tonight’s “Heroic playoff relief pitcher appearances” graphic FAILS to mention Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez’s HISTORIC 2005 ALDS appearance against BOS en route to one of the more dominant WS runs in recent memory by the #CWS

@FoxNews @MLBNetwork care to comment???

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

There’s a “young matlock” I’m physically sick

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

Idea for a type of guy: reverse pee shy, he can only go if someone’s at the urinal next to him

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

advertisements are so embarrassing, like how desperate must you be to resort to begging me to buy something

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

Idea for an app: an app that tells you the names of your friends kids

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

I don’t know what his name is but I don’t think it’s governor Sean

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

I feel bad for governor Sean, always getting punked

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

@georgiedmartin @ uncleP

[William Clancy @imwillclancy]

Freaky Friday but it’s me and the 60 year old guy at the bar living and dying at every play in the 4th quarter of an NFL preseason game

[B.W. Carlin @BaileyCarlin]

All-time bag fumble by State Farm