incorrect taz quotes

they probably said these things in another timeline

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

taako: planning on killing myself tomorrow, if anyone wants my tv or house plants let me know 

magnus: please reach out if you need any help. we are always here for you 

merle: what size tv?

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

magnus: i haven’t eaten anything since 11 i’m starving 

taako: damn and you how old now?

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

lucretia: i’m at a loss for words!

taako, narrating: despite being at a loss for words, lucretia lectured me for the next 45 minutes

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

lup: how was the honeymoon?

kravtiz: taako got drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire

kravtiz: he said "good luck trying to return me without the receipt"

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

taako (bored on the starblaster): okay lup. fuck, marry, kill-

lup: fuck barry

taako: i didn’t even tell you the names

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

barry: when lup is mad at me i pack all my stuff in a lil red bag on a stick and walk away really slowly until she forgives me

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

lup: if you play as a girl in video games, have a fascination with feminine clothing, and "wish you were a girl", i have some news for you: an extreme wind warning is in effect for neverwinter, rockport, and goldcliff until 6:00 PM for extremely dangerous hurricane winds

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

avi: smoking loud with the boys and having a contest to see who can give the tenderest hug

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

lup: hottest thing a man can be when you first meet him is visibly nervous

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

angus: i love trains because i get to engage in one of my favorite hobbies: looking. god i love to look

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

lup: barry too busy yelling about how the baby "shouldn't be in the situation to begin with" instead of celebrating me for an undisputedly great catch

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

carey (after proposing to killian): she said yes!!!

taako: what was the question?

carey: will you marry me?

taako: ?? no

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

taako (leaving a review for the fantasy costco): nice, sterile atmosphere. hypnotically caucasian. the healing potions are strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal: another of god's little tests

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

taako: why are there little handprints on my things? 

kravitz: angus, why are there little handprints on taakos things? 

angus: because i have little hands

kravitz (turning back to taako): because he has little hands

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

taako: walking downhill is so embarrassing like ooo look at me doing a little trot like a stupid fucking horse i’d rather be dead

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

magnus: if i was getting eaten by a bear i would get a pet in real quick

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

kravitz (to taako): yes babe, you look gnc af. can we go grocery shopping now?

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

lucretia: it’s pride month, boys. you know what that means 

taako: what? do you want us to retrieve like… gay relics?

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

taako: being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors

[incorrect taz quotes @incorrectaz]

taako: milk jugs are perfectly designed; no wasted space. the handle is part of the container and you can see how much liquid is left. genius. i'm thinking of eating the mushroom growing in my front yard whole. if even one person is nice to me today i will kiss them on the lips