incorrect criminal minds quotes

bot that posts incorrect criminal minds quotes from tumblr. lots of jemily and sometimes other random ships #cmtwt

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Emily: fuck holding hands for romantic purposes.
Emily: hold my hand while we’re on an icy sidewalk so if one of us slips we both eat shit.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Luke: you know, JJ gives Emily flowers every day. i wish you would do that.
Spencer: um okay?
[next day]
Spencer: *gives Emily flowers*
Emily:
Emily: what?
Spencer: believe me, i don’t get it either.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Emily: *carrying several bags of groceries*
JJ: *holds out hand to help*
Emily: *aggressively shifts all the bags to one hand to hold JJ’s hand*

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Emily: you have to learn to love yourself.
JJ: don't you hate yourself?
Emily: yes, but this is about you, stay focused.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

JJ: if you’re going to give grapes to a baby, make sure to cut them in half.
Emily: *gasps*
JJ: the grapes, not the baby, Emily.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Hotch: you know guys, sometimes i feel like Emily doesn't take me seriously enough.
Derek: “sometimes”?
Rossi: “enough”?
Hotch:
Rossi: change that to “at all” and we'll talk.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

JJ: i'd like to introduce the love of my life, the reason i keep living, and the biggest fucking headache i've ever had: Emily.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

JJ: you’re overthinking this.
Penelope: you don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Jayje. what if i’m underthinking?

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

JJ: my hands are cold.
Emily: here, let me hold them.
JJ: my lips are cold, too.
Emily: *covers JJ’s mouth with her hand*

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

[the BAU on the jet, returning home after a difficult case]
Derek: you've been on the phone since we left, what are you doing?
Spencer: i'm trying to cancel my liFE SUBSCRIPTION

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

JJ: hey, can you turn the lights on?
Emily: you're the only light i need in my life.
JJ: Emily, i can't fucking see.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Spencer: i slept for almost twelve hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for twelve more just in case.
Hotch: Reid, that’s a coma.
Spencer: sounds festive.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Rossi: you wanna go to McDonald’s, kid? i’ll get you a happy meal.
Spencer: Rossi, i’m 30.
Rossi: so you don’t want apple slices and nuggets with a toy?
Spencer: …that would be nice, actually.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

[Hotch having in his office one "depressive thought jar" and one "threat jar"]
Rossi, first coming at the BAU: you have very specific swear jars.
Hotch, pointing to Spencer and Emily: i have very specific children.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Hotch: what’s gone wrong, Prentiss?
Emily: hey! just because i’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.
Hotch: that’s true, i suppose. why are you calling?
Emily: well… there’s a crisis.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

JJ: *yawns*
Emily: yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.
JJ: then you must be exhausted ;)
Derek: will you two shut up? some of us are lonely.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Hotch: i'm gonna need you to swear.
Emily: fuck.
Hotch:
Hotch: swear as in promise.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Spencer: if i fall…
Derek: i’ll be there to catch you.
Emily: *looks at JJ* what if i fall?
JJ: then i’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.
Luke: *watches these two interactions*
Luke, to Garcia: and if i fall?
Garcia: i’ll be the one who pushed you.

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Derek: truth or dare?
Emily: truth.
Derek: i dare you to kiss JJ.
Emily, already getting up: alright, fine.
Spencer: she didn't even pick dare?

[incorrect criminal minds quotes @incorrectcmbot]

Elle: you know, there's something weird going on with your face.
Hotch: what?
Elle: you're smiling. i didn't know you could do that.