Disgusting Burger Surprise

hey guys can you remind me to take my chicken out of the freezer before my mom gets home

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

Me at 80 with my family in the nursing home trying to communicate with me but I can only speak in Lil Jon adlibs: Please just talk to us, we know you're in there somewhere.
Me: WHAT

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

20 minutes to read bloodymary fanfic on my break bro im fuuuucked

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

There is always a kinder world out there waiting for you
All that's missing is your smile 😊

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

saying cuh so much at pizza hut that they call the national guard to come kill me

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

@meanvenusian

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

Night so bad I gotta call in evil to work my next shift

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

There are still dead bugs in your house that haven't been discovered

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

I would say let's all bleed one out for the big Kirk but I have better things to do

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

Complaining about working a shift on my day off (that I agreed to) at everyone and I finally got one minute of rest and now every word out of my mouth just feels like this

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

@meanvenusian

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

I stay the same when people take a picture of me with flash on because I am radiant at all times

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

You should be able to strap down old people at a casino and wheel them out like Hannibal lecter

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

Tried to jerk off last night but I was too tired and fell asleep with the video still playing #sleepyfaps

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

Customer service be crazy
Like what do you mean it's MY fault that the person before you ordered a ton of shit and made our wait time go up by an hour

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

@meanvenusian Holy shit this is even better than I imagined

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

I have to take matters into my own hands...

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

Sorry babe you can't bounce on it tonight I'm being introspective and pensive

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

@meanvenusian

[Disgusting Burger Surprise @InfantInhaler]

Make him die on my birthday please it would be so funny