Now, a full year has passed.
I’m still working on those non-medical goals, and even adding new ones every day.
But today, I can confidently say this: I have secured my mental health.
I’ve found peace, acceptance, and happiness.
Maybe someone needs to read this…
One year ago, someone made me realize that I am more than just a doctor.
I am a human being made up of many parts : a girl, a daughter, a sister and I have a life ahead of me that exists outside the hospital walls.
Since then, I’ve set goals beyond medicine. I focused on them and poured my energy into achieving them, because it turns out, my medical goals might require more than just hard work. Maybe even something beyond my control.
بنفس الوقت الكوتش الثانيه اللي هيه اساسا اخت الكوتش الغرقانه، لما جات تنقذهم نقذت صديقتي ، وظلت جالسه مع صديقتي تهديها ، انا انبهرت منها كيف قدرت تكبت مشاعرها وخي تشوق اختها كذاك!! بس هيه ادت واجبها ككونش باحترافيه، سلامه المتدربين كانت تهمها اكثر
صار اليوم موقف خلاني ايقن ان مهنه الانسان تأثر على شخصيته وتغلب ع مشاعره بطريقه او باخرى ، في كلاس السباحه اليوم غرقت صديقتي ، ولما راحت الكوتش تنقذها غرقتها بدون لاتحس معاها ، لما طلعوا من المسبح بسلام الحمدلله رحت اريد اتطمن ع صديقتي واهديها لان اكيد بتكون مرعوبه
All the grief which cannot be explained and cannot be described because no one ever will understand it
I announce officially that I am collapsing again no matter all the preventive precautions I bulid to avoid , now everything is collapsing again and everything is falling apart
I made a deal woth mu self that no more negative dark emotions to be disclosed in here , but today I couldn’t stop myself, and why would I??
This account is a wetness of 4 consecutive years of disappointment and grief accumilated all in my heart
Everytime I will stop my self from dropping any tear inside my room, I don’t want anymore bad memories to collect inside my private space , but now unintentionally it is shifting to my car, the second private space I have , this is so miserable
I am handling my emotional conflicts in a very bad way , I knew it , but it is giving me temporary sense of peace so I don’t care about the future consequences since now I am able to move on in life at least