Intimacy Mentor

🏆 California's #1 Rated Sex Coach & Intimacy Mentor • Real results in 1-5 sessions 🎙️ The Closeness Podcast - Support the Channel - Venmo: "closeness"

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

Short video below, long form posting next:
A man can excite you and make things happen shift for you from six feet away without saying a word.
If that's never happened to you, there are a couple reasons —

In 1989 a psychologist named Joan Kellerman sat strangers in pairs
and had them hold eye contact for two minutes. No talking, no
touching. They walked out reporting real affection and passionate
love for someone they'd met that afternoon. Two minutes.

It isn't magic and it isn't luck. It's conditions.

Condition one is him: calm and grounded and safe, but also masculine, desirous and sexual at the same time. Calm on its own is a pleasant man you feel nothing for. Sexual on its own is a
man who wants something from you and you can smell it from a mile away. The recipe together is what moves you.

Condition two is you, and this is the part women skip. Emily
Nagoski describes desire as an accelerator and a brake. Your
accelerator was never the problem. The brakes are on ALL DAY LONG.

And then there's the gate. When OkCupid published its own rating
data, women had rated roughly 80% of men as below average looking.
Eighty. Across every level of attractiveness among the women
doing the rating. Disqualify four out of five men on sight and
the odds of this happening to you get very small very fast.

Try this tonight with the person you already live with: thirty
seconds of eye contact, no laughing it off, no looking away to be
polite. Most couples haven't done that since they were dating.

Want this to be a skill instead of a happy accident? I work with
women, men and couples one-on-one and two-on-one at https://t.co/79qbZVoFbU
— and there are 100+ reviews there from people who thought this
part of them was gone. 💋

#intimacy #attraction #sexualtension #relationships #closeness

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

It works wonders to tell a woman what to do when she's feeling all touched out, especially if it feels like you're sending her to the spa, or to the shower.

"Honey, why don't you go enjoy a hot shower." Or, "Here's my card, get your nails done on me" 
That's a fix that works wonders when you're getting gridlock trying to connect with your partner after a long day.

Being "touched out" isn't ONLY about too much touch. Any mother knows the feeling and almost no man does, so let me try to describe it from the outside. It's not that hands on you are unpleasant. It's that all day long the littles have been needing you — needing to be fed, held, changed, answered, tracked, soothed — and you have been giving continuously. 

Then the door opens and a man who loves you and wants to get his hands on your waist and give you some love, bursts through the door. You feel yourself flinch, recoil, pull back. You feel awful, because he hasn't done anything wrong.

He hasn't. He's been out working, providing, paying (sometimes for everything you eat and every place you go) Now he wants the one thing that makes the whole day worth it — his wife, close to him.

Here's what men don't say. It isn't only about sex. We want to connect with you. We want to give you something and feel something back. And when you use language with us like, "put in more effort, earn it, do you deserve it?" Not only do you pedestalize yourself, but your man may feel like he never gets to stop "stepping up." The world took it out of him and now he still has to "earn" your affection?  

Sometimes the answer isn't more effort. It's a gap between the day and each other.

Whoever walks through the door, relieves the other one of household duties and gives them a break first. Go shower. Go to a movie. 1 -3 hours (I know that's not possible for all of you) no children, nobody needing anything.

Then come back and start over. 

Nobody can go from tracking four people's needs straight into wanting anybody sexually. The transition has to exist.
https://t.co/79qbZVoFbU when you want to handle this with me virtually or in person.

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@AM6060 How?

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

For Most Women, Asking For Sex Isn't a 6 Out of 10. It's Zero.
Almost no woman is sensually aroused or stimulated by the sentence "so… you wanna go do it?"

Men probably ask because asking feels like the respectful thing to do. And he doesn't want to get you upset, bother you or offend you. What do YOU hear when he asks for it? 

Most women don't run on spontaneous desire. The wanting shows up in RESPONSE to something — touch, attention, tension, a man who's visibly enjoying her — rather than arriving on its own at 10pm. Researchers call this responsive desire.

There's also the matter of the four hundred decisions she's already made today. At 10pm she was hoping to stop being the one who decides, or has to think, or the one who makes another decision. 

So don't put it to a vote. Kiss her eight seconds longer than the moment called for, then go do the dishes. At 4pm, tell her what you intend to do to her later, and then make her wait for it. Watch her the whole time — if she goes still or turns away, you stop, and you don't sulk about it.

Ladies, the comment section is yours today. Tell the men what actually happened the last time one asked you.

Want me to teach the two of you together, in the same room? That's my job.

#intimacy #marriage #desire #relationships #closeness

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@cmoneyinlos God damn! 🥵

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@HarrisonDo8745 Also very true!

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@ChrisPixle28257 Little bit

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@DeMaggioJake Jake, you are 100% correct and these are outstanding. Nicely done

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@kernel_danders What does she say?

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@SatStacks7 Why don’t you tell me how it goes.

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

Coming from someone hiding behind a stick of bread. First I’m gay, and don’t want women, now I’m running a good guy algorithm to finesse women?

Pick a lane. Most of my content isn’t even for dudes, but you’re angry little takes are preaching to the choir. I help men be their own men. That’s the point. Stay mad brother. Or sister or wherever you are.

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@t_hitz_ Does it work every time? Try switching it up with some other stuff and see how it goes

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@Jackdurden07 Yea
People in those types of unique situations generally don’t kiss as a rule…

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@5Dbreathingtree This is great!

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@JJarekx @grok Why bother, what point are you trying to make?

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@WendysBreadStik Tens of thousands of views, likes, and shares on this post would suggest otherwise sweet cheeks. 🤷

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@TajikCharmeur So you’re saying weather she wants to or not, you force it and make it happen? To not “waste” something that happens naturally all day every day multiple times a day?

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@hArc22R There’s that dusty rose again. Thought I lost it or someone took it but now I have it back.

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

Men who get groped by women overwhelmingly report disliking it. It's unwanted, degrading, and not remotely arousing.

Then why do they keep doing it?  The usual explanation might be, he does it because it's what he'd want done to him — falls apart immediately. Something else is going on.

Grabbing is a shortcut. It's fast, it requires no words, and it reads as desire without exposing him to a verbal no. Asking feels like vulnerability or weakness and a lot of men have been taught to hear vulnerability as weakness. A grab feels like confidence to the man doing it.

There's a sensory piece too. A squeeze registers (even if only to him)  as more sexual than a stroke because it's instantaneous — it feels like passion from the inside. It just doesn't read that way from the outside. To most women it signals that her body is a target rather than that she's a partner.

Then it becomes a habit, and habits form the ordinary way. A boundary goes unmentioned. Then it goes unmentioned for weeks, then years. And if a squeeze or grab ever landed well — even once, on a night you were already turned on — it got filed as "this works." He's not being obtuse. He's just continuously running on one even that happened in the past and he's sure he'll get you to like it again.

None of that makes it your fault, and none of it makes it acceptable.

What ends it is direct language with eye contact. "I don't like that. Don't touch me that way." Then the harder part: being consistent about it. If it's welcome some nights and not others, he genuinely can't tell which night he's in, and neither of you gets what you want.

Some women do want to be taken. That's a different thing than being helped yourself to.

https://t.co/79qbZVo7mm for more help in your relationship. 

#relationships #intimacy #consent #marriage #closeness

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@JesusFreak783 Well said!

[Intimacy Mentor @intimacymentor]

@Inservice17 Incorrect. I’ve got the data. You have your preference. The exception does not make rule.