Andy I 🇺🇦

Human male. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Full set of teeth. Roughly symmetrical. Intends to live forever - so far, so good.

[Big Uncle Knobhead @willo_ian]

When your Mrs is up and down every aisle in Matalan and you're bored fuckin' shitless!

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

@ChesterFC Great work all involved, well done.

[Viz Comic @vizcomic]

Subscriptions >>> https://t.co/TeNgoCTcgs

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

@votes_17 @ptrjhntrrnt @BBCBreaking @BBCNews Let me guess, you voted to Leave 🙄

[forest fr1ends @forest_fr1ends]

- but there’s a whole new roll behind you??
- i’m well aware of that sandra, just hand me the newspaper please…

[Fascinating @fasc1nate]

In parts of the medieval Holy Roman Empire, husbands and wives could have a legal fight, called a marital duel, to solve their arguments.

Interestingly, the husband had to fight in a hole and with one arm tied. The wife could move around freely but had to carry weighted cloth. Her weapon was usually a bag filled with rocks, while the man got three clubs. If he touched the hole's edge during the fight, he lost one club.

Before the fight, couples were given a month or two to try and solve their problems. If they couldn't agree, then the duel would happen. If the husband lost, his head would be cut off. If the wife lost, she would be buried alive.

[Led By Donkeys @ByDonkeys]

The Conservative Party (sound on)

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

'What you in for mate?'

'Armed robbery, you?'

'Streaming Bournemouth v Southampton 3pm kick off'

[BBC Breaking News @BBCBreaking]

Gang who made £7.2m by illegally streaming Premier League football matches to tens of thousands of subscribers are jailed https://t.co/lxJiiAqqbD

[Andy Jones @Andy_Jonesy]

@countyscarf Really embarrassed as a Chester supporter. If the above is true @BrackleyTownFC, I’d like to pay for that 5 year olds ticket for the final and buy him a shirt from your shop. Can that be arranged?

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

Impromptu game of CO2: Second Chance by @vitallacerda over the weekend. Glad we played a co-op as not getting completely destroyed by the wife made a nice change…

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

Well at least I now know that 60% of my followers are Philistines…

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

Settle a debate:

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

I’m fully aware the correct answer here is ‘Toblerone’… but humour me:

[Viz Comic @vizcomic]

Subscriptions >>> https://t.co/amhP2rdZ6A

[Viz Comic @vizcomic]

Subscriptions >>> https://t.co/amhP2rdZ6A

[Viz Comic @vizcomic]

Subscriptions >>> https://t.co/amhP2rdrh2

[Sean Humphreys @NowCounselling]

Looking forward to @AlloaHalf on Sunday. I only ever ask for a donation for a sponsorship in exceptional circumstances so if you can, anything will be appreciated so much. But I know many people can’t at this time.
Claire (@r3drocks) and me are running for Joey 🐶 👉

[Andy I 🇺🇦 @iofthejs]

Girl saying what we’re all thinking 👌🏻

[Baker343 @BakerFPL343]

Just wow

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

There are very few good father role models in society. However, Bluey's Dad has turned my life around. I am genuinely a better father and husband now I pause and think, what would Bluey's Dad do.