Iris Rios

Let me pretend I’m funny okay

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

If one more job description says 'self-starter' I swear I'm gonna google what that means

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

Hard to be mad at someone drive by yelling at me to wear a mask. Even if I was outdoors, with no one in sight, and had one in my pocket. It's okay little fella. I feel that way, too.

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

@KVUE my favorite kind of news

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

Stranger Things season 4 will just be called Ominous Synth Music

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

@jelloxshot my feelings about ACL having Karbach as a partner when they could be promoting a humble local brewery

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

if an adult guest puts a drink with ice that's about to condensate on a wooden table without a coaster are they joking???

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

to quote @chrisdelia: i think singing is so dumb you know because its like what are you doing with your voice just relax start talking its all good

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

I hate how bold and enormous headlines of articles are. I don't need everyone to see me researching my irrational fears. THIS IS WHY YOUR TOE NAILS ARE FALLING OFF

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

Could’ve ignored this sleepyhead if I had gone the natural route

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

Feeling reassured that filling out my eyebrows in record speed *that look perf* got me an eyebrow compliment from an unsuspecting older male bus commuter at 7am

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

I’ve been living in Texas too long when I can predict the day I see the first demonically fast roach of the season based off humidity

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

it me being selfless or part of getting older when I don't reach down to get a dollar on the sidewalk

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

@helloradisco @Whataburger you're the real hero

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

Stoked for a silly goose time tonight at Follow the Leader tour with @chrisdelia !

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

@__hiLAURIous “Clever girl”

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

how has no one on the internet mentioned Matthew McConaughey's announcement on @CapMetroATX yet?

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

Anyone else notice that @nealdikeman looks like the love child of @tedcruz and @BetoORourke ? #whataretheynottellingus

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

@chrisdelia has brought up so many relateable experiences in his podcast, but bringing up the selfish person who sings "cha cha cha" while singing happy birthday is just comforting #congratulationspodcast #notalone

[Iris Rios @irisrios]

What if when someone asked how you were doing, you just replied “wooo!” like everyone does at concerts when the artist asks