AJ

[AJ @isturma]

@Helheim_Lynx Was there an update on this? Need an update on this.

[AJ @isturma]

@MistressFushi You have a nice butt, but you also have such pretty eyes. I’d argue they’re your best physical feature instead of your brown eye.

[AJ @isturma]

Sounds accurate.

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[AJ @isturma]

@ChefReactions Some tv exec looking for the next “backrooms” movie found your feed and went “hey! I can steal that!”

Maybe not the first, definitely the best.

Yes chef! 🫡

[AJ @isturma]

“Oh no I can’t outrun my gayness!”

[AJ @isturma]

@meowri Borderline or bipolar? As much as society likes to lump them together, they’re two separate things.

Treatment is also two separate things - one is medication, the other is a lot of hard, sometimes painful work.

My reply is 100% serious.

[AJ @isturma]

@MissFushiGaming Depends on the personality.

You could totally rock them, but some girls have more of a “ponytail” vibe.

I can’t imagine some perpetually scowling Karen with pigtails though 🤔

[AJ @isturma]

ISTURMA Commander
Penguins splashing around happily in the sea...
Ah, they must be absolutely adorable. #NIKKE #NIKKESummerSnapshot https://t.co/PMrR3H3WRv

[AJ @isturma]

@japan_nobunaga I’ve enjoyed your stories and thought “this one knows knowledge and wisdom.”

Seeing your outrage at the wrong thing makes my heart doubly sad; once for the extinguished lights, twice for having to reconsider.

[AJ @isturma]

@japan_nobunaga Our immigration system is broken, too lax and too strict at the same time.

This man murdered his child and the woman he created it with. Why is his immigration status more important than his mental illness?

[AJ @isturma]

@MistressFushi Nah fam.

We don’t charge them, we publicly name and shame.

Ofc im now going to post my favorite dick pic below.

[AJ @isturma]

@MissFushiGaming

[AJ @isturma]

@Aitherea @YouTube The only way for these plugins to stop is for SE to remove or obfuscate that unique identifier.

SE knows this and instead of acting, they only threatened to sue the original plugin maker.

[AJ @isturma]

@Aitherea @YouTube My understanding is that these plugins keep popping up because of a vulnerability SE introduced.

From what I’ve read since the first plugin popped up, there’s something server side that identifies the SE ID behind each character. These plugins read that identifier.

[AJ @isturma]

@meowri Any time you try to be sexy on your feeds I just have your OG derpface memes that you posted years ago.

[AJ @isturma]

@AnyekaKalim @SongbirdN7 The slime hat with its jiggle physics is the best part!

[AJ @isturma]

@SayaniAsiri @Helheim_Lynx With a happy ending is how it ends…

But I need to know what happened!? And was he good!?

[AJ @isturma]

@MissFushiGaming Hello beautiful! 💕

[AJ @isturma]

10/10 no notes besides the obvious "this poser can't understand how badly you burned them."

[Log @LogPowerslave]

New Raid 'The Capitol' releasing Jan 6th.

No minimum power requirements, however raiders will be limited to a maximum IQ level of 12.

Worlds first completion will unlock the new Narcissistic Pedofile subclass.

[AJ @isturma]

@Scarletkoito111 A toilet