I throw apples!

I'm waiting for pink razors to be the same price as blue ones so I can shave off the beads on my armpits and the dreads on my legs.

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

The #realreason #mom #saved my #childhood artwork or #latenightprojects Not for #sentimentalvalue but emotional #blackmail #wellplayed

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

100-71..I think. or 100-68??? I hate #math !#counting #tinythings!!! #100 #daysofschool? More like #think #100ways to #drivemyselfnuts !!

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

This is #tamales #weather right here. Forget #caldo . If u have read my posts&not utilized #google #translate #quepadre & #bienhecho

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

My #uterus hasn't had a #tenant since my 5y/o . I can feel her #wrath . #NotToday #period not today. *scoops another spoon of #Rockyroad

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

As a #mom, I #canthelp but say #TheByeByeMan in my #Mommyvoice .Ok #honey say #byebye 2the scary #cucuy . Cucuy? #googletranslate #titlefail

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#friend asked if I had my #winter clothes ready. After retrieving my eyes 4rm behind my brain,reminded her I'm 4rm Tx.Jokes on me #coldfront

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

At times I feel #guilty 4 being #psyched about #movies like #jeeperscreepers3 . I'm 2trying figure out Y &I see #trailer again&so I stop

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

Salt rock lamp 4 #SecretSanta . "It takes away #badenergy, keep it at ur #desk" so like how hard do I actually have 2 #throw it? #workmode

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#bigbang #Koothrappali #celebritycrush #funnyconversations

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

Watching #speechless leaves me speechless #love the #show

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

I like my #coffeeaddiction , my #abnormal #heart #rhythms #mimics me being #inlove & the #twitches #brings out my #eyes

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#thegivingtree #shelsilverstein #bedtime #stories #mademecry #lovegives #lovetakes #somethinginmyeye

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#stop #licking your #magic #finger ! #things #elementary #educators #yell #thingskidsdo #hungrykids #beingsilly #ourfuture #facepalm

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#stop #licking your #magic #finger ! #things #elementary #educators #yell #thingskidsdo #hungrykids #beingsilly #ourfuture

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#forget #waiting til my kid turns 18 to #kick her #outofthehouse at the #rate we're #going I'll #leave when she's #18

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#prepare 2be #offended but #tried 2 #type #Catholic & my #autocorrect #said #alcoholic #nope #bad #oops #sorry #whhhhat ?!?!

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#thisclose 2 #making my #child a #vest out of #velcro #please #letmenap #getoff #stopjumping #donttouchthat #beautiful #meyelling

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

But #mommy you have to #buyme a #toy . Me: #no I don't . I just need2 keep you #alive & #myself from #goingcrazy #parenting at its #best

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

My #phone keeps #typing Mon instead of #mom . So now the #voices in my #head are #speaking with a #Jamaican #accent #autocorrect #problems

[I throw apples! @ithrowapples]

#honk 4 #greatparenting #stayingalive #tuckandroll #hangon #love my #kid #keep ur #taxdeduction #safe just kidding