If you were to strip naked and run around in a circle at the speed of 186,282 miles/sec (the speed of light), it would theoretically be possible for you to screw yourself.
However, since you are not physically capable of achieving that speed at your age, you can also accomplish the same result by:
Voting Democratic in the November election.
Every single time I am in an airport my racial stereotyping is justified. Indian guy stinks like BO and onions, African American in PJ pants, African speaking babadagook on speaker, 8 Mexican siblings running amok. It’s unbelievable