Drunk Baby

The OG Drunk Baby

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

“@emmastewartt: everyone vote alpharetta vs milton!!! 🏈🎀 #beatmilton http://t.co/TexXN9G0iZ” Vote Alpharetta V Milton for a follow back!!!!

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

I can't believe Disney put an actual penis on the cover of the Little Mermaid! #dirtydisney http://t.co/Spq7xZGi9O - sp

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Please retweet if you pooped today..

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Bitch please, your bra has more stuffing than a build a bear

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Bought a penis enhancement device on eBay...bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

*Showering together* Girl: "Baby I want you to do bad things to me ;)"

Guy: *Puts shampoo in her eyes*

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Ever notice what you're left with if you remove all the vowels from "female" ??

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

People on the internet: OMG! You're so pretty & nice! Someone would be lucky to have you! People in real life: Here comes the awkward whale.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Seriously SLUT, anything could turn you on. You're basically a lamp.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Just got kicked out of McDonald's.. the guy gave me the wrong kind of McFlurry, so I screamed at him "YOU MCFUCKED UP!!!"

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

On your mark, get set, go fuck yourself.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There are no menu's, we just give you what you deserve.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Some people say I’m random. But who cares, chocolate is amazing.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

When I was born, I was so surprised, I didn't talk for a year and a half..

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 9 black guys? Steve Nash.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Dear Taylor Swift, you are no longer innocent. Sincerely, these naughty pictures → http://t.co/tL7cY5Aa7J - sp

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

If you don't keep your pinky promises, then you're a piece of shit.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

THE KIDZ BOP VERSION OF THRIFT SHOP SAYS WALK UP IN THE CLUB LIKE WAT UP I’VE GOT A BIG HEART I CAN’T BREATHE

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.

[Drunk Baby @itsDrunkBaby]

Hey, I'm a girl. I ignore nice guys, chase assholes, and then complain about it.