sanchit

if you wish to make a pancake from scratch you must first invent the universe

[K @kourtneyinhell]

My husband just got rid of a hornets nest under our deck and now he’s walking around the yard saying stuff like “Bee Movie, huh? Guess there won’t be a sequel” out loud to no one

[vetoria @caralous]

eu faço cardio pra fumar melhor yoga pra transar melhor e musculação pra aguentar mais tempo em pe no techno e eh por isso que eu sou feliz

[Av @aviv_lavi]

Someone used ( •᷄ࡇ•᷅ ) to describe Gabriel Jesus and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

[khary ✰ @NotKhary]

not being in ur prime and having ppl still fw u is so crazy like this not even the real me right now

[?? @aeragons]

fake crazy bitches (real madrid locker room) when a real crazy bitch (mourinho) comes at them

[Finessekid @f1ness3kid]

I’M FUCKING DIVORCED FROM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN YOUR PLANET

[High Highs & Low Lows 🎭 @wavidnotdavid]

I’m fucking divorced from the most beautiful woman in your planet

[baber @bakerbakerbaker]

little boy next door said “i like when my shirts off and the air feels good” brother aint that the truth

[🅱️ @xMCFC_B]

We’re guilty aren’t we

[sanchit @itscaavale]

@AlanRichar6162 ???

[p @bananabreadbloc]

aglio o olio sounds like a tushar kapoor dialogue from golmaal

[Marieanne @Meytrullers17]

Stop chat gpt!!

[Hayden @arvencain]

Testicular doctor who puts “elite ball knowledge” on his resume

[Charlie Ledger @CharlieLedgerX]

Get ready liver, daddy got yelled at during the team meeting today

[nav ྀིྀི☭ @draculauras17]

they’d force him to pick a football team on week 2 and by week 3 all the other fans would kill him

[mimimimi @munichg1rl]

i also mention by best friend at every opportunity so i understand matt damon

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

Once in a blue moon it’s fun to infiltrate girls night with my wife. You can drink 17 beers and no one once starts talking about killing themselves or some kind of great fire that cleanses the world. They got me doing Fiona Apple karaoke

[William Guppy @w_guppy]

You can drink nothing and be mediocre, or you can drink heavily and be "a potentially brilliant mind ruined by alcohol".

[corb @awshuqs]

my friend said he had to “study” for the “bar exam” yeah normal people call that pregaming

[the young thug of twt ひ @zaycondonez]

u gotta leave them nothin burgers alone and come fw a burger king