Dad Jokes

I'm Dad.

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey!

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

What's this movie about?

It's about 2 hours.

[Ron Swanson @Sir_Ron_Swanson]

"Either you like bacon or you're wrong."
Psalm 117:102

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

Where does Fonzie go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyyy

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

I've told you a million times not to exaggerate!

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

Are you alright?

No, I'm half left.

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

Why do so many people with laser hair want to get it removed?

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

Why can't you have a nose 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

This was the highlight of my day!

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

How do you make antifreeze?
Steal her blanket!

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got all of them cut!

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

I love elevator jokes.
They work on so many levels.

[Dad Jokes @ItsDadJokes]

I'm Hungry.

Hi Hungry. I'm Dad.