s

[s @itshaneull]

death isn’t fogging my mind, vision, or movement; just slowly creeping in again for no reason, we’ll change.

[s @itshaneull]

i need to work that’s it. work hard and enjoy yourself heath. no one knows that this account is mine but i will say i don’t want to kill myself. i’m content with life right now, just a struggle that’s all.

[s @itshaneull]

WE BACK BITCH. we’re talking again and i’m super happy. currently feel like absolute dogshit though. going to events, have to finish a resume and cover letter, and do my classes. i think i can do it. i have a lot to get done, also stressed about money but i mean.

[s @itshaneull]

i hope she does good this semester, i really do. though i don’t want her to feel bad, she cried to hard and i was there for her. i’m hurt but she needed it. she’s been through so much. i’ll try and be there. i hope.

[s @itshaneull]

told her. went well for 9 days. now I feel like i’m at my worst i’ve been at in a really long time. she couldn’t, i don’t blame her, but i will wait, i will. maybe it will eventually work out. though, maybe she didn’t feel anything. though i doubt that. i just want it to work.

[s @itshaneull]

I might just end it all

[s @itshaneull]

Might fuck around and end my shit

[s @itshaneull]

Maybe I’m crazy or lost. I just need to tell her and not be a pussy. This online journal does so much and I dump so much shit, but I need to speak and use my voice. Im scared of losing a friend but I don’t know, it seems like I’m about to jump off a cliff and risk everything.

[s @itshaneull]

Love you abbey. Love key no one will see this, but I do love you. I really want to not be a Bitch and tell you but idk when this will happen.

[s @itshaneull]

It just seems that I really want to open up, but I don’t want to. There’s something holding me back. Maybe it’s the thought of rejection, the simple fact that this could alter everything. Or maybe I’m crazy. I’m just out of it. Lost.

[s @itshaneull]

Maybe since I’m away from everyone my thoughts are more intrusive. I mean this break doesn’t even feel like it because I am not really home. I’m in a place we call home. I’m around loved ones, though it’s not school. This whole thing does seem to revolve around A though.

[s @itshaneull]

I do not want to be here.

[s @itshaneull]

Need to speak on it. Soon atleast. Work on hw and study. Job opened up too, life 7/10 no cap.

[s @itshaneull]

This life. I only live once. Fuck it we ball. Go out with a bang. Heath sharr pussy.

[s @itshaneull]

I don’t know what it is, she just seems like a good fit to me, though I am getting my hopes up. She could shoot me down like a ww2 fighter jet. But hey, I need to ask.

[s @itshaneull]

I need to talk to abbey. I need to tell her. Like I really fuck with her and she is everything. I just need to tell her. To me she is so fine and I really want to date here really, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

[s @itshaneull]

Kinda drunk but hey. These thoughts have been in my mind for a minute. Do love her.

[s @itshaneull]

Really do think that I love abbey. No one will se this so it’s fine, but I think I do. She literally is just there for me. Is this the downfall? Like everything goes bad after here? I hope not, one of these days I’m not going to be a bitch and tell her.

[s @itshaneull]

Really do think this is a place where I can dump all my things and feel released because no one who I know knows of this account so I am glad. I do love abbey. She is a great friend but damn man. I really could just spend the rest of my time with her. Anyways.

[s @itshaneull]

I think, right now, that I have the best support system I have had since larrian. I have abbey. I have my bros. I can’t complain. Right now, abbey is someone is who such a good friend. I cannot thank her enough. Man I love you pimp.