Carlos Salter

[Auburn Football @AuburnFootball]

Retweet and show the world! #Auburn 45, Texas A&M 41. #WarEagle

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

"You were almost late!". Yeah, that's a little something I like to call "on time".

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@AnnaOutzen wtf? Not cool.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@DeedsyTweet now you know how I feel. People can't even walk by me without scratching my head. It's annoying, I'm trying to sleep people.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

So I looked them dead in the eyes and calmly knocked the entire stack of mail off the counter. Should have been there, it was epic.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@1spanky2011 and he does it with a voice like a GD sexy southern canary

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@1spanky2011 fuck that, he sounds awesome.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

Is your kid so special that you put 6 pics a day on FB? My mom had 7 at once and you didn't see her flaunting my cute ass all over the web.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@tls2424 he like fat chicks?

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@tls2424 Connie used to drink from the toilet

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

So then I was like,"no Connie, SHEENA was a MAN... Nevermind, figure out Funky Cold Medina on your own". She's so frustrating.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

David Lindhagen cuckolded me.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@OleDirtyLiam if I don't get my 17 hours a day I'm worthless

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

So after 10 minutes with my leg under the oven, I finally said to hell with it and took a nap. And that's the story of my lost ball.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

Happy Independence Day bitches! To honor the forefathers, I'm going to sleep 17 hours and 76 seconds today. #patriotism

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@1spanky2011 @tls2424 I've seen them get mounted #scratchmyeyeballsout

[Liam S @liamdontgive]

So, so glad I'm not an outside dog. #sohot

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

Got everybody up and going this morning. Time for a nap. #everyday

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@juliezsalter won't go get us Waffle House. Connie is super pissed.

[Carlos Salter @Itsmecarlos]

@AnnaOutzen so your gonna ruin a joke from a cat? Really? Buzzkill.