Jacob

ugh this part used to have my age but I’m getting too old too fast to keep track

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

both my roommies started therapy and psychiatry less than a month after I moved in...
..
either im a positive influence or a living nightmare

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

@Snapchat why are you hiding videos of the protests? #IceOut #Minneapolisprotests #Minnesota

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

@seano287 @ByronBradshaw What do you think would have been better in place of that song? I’m genuinely asking because I like writing and want to understand. I thought it was a funny way to advance the relationships without being whiny or saccharine. I like that it’s goofy and ironic

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

@DarthMac_OG damn I was hoping the aliens were comin for me

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

Anyone else see this weird UFO airplane over LA? #ufo #orbs #la #LosAngeles

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

Crazy tail left behind

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

the older man walking in front of me just used voice-to-text to type “they’re throwing straight up dick cheese into that shit box, am I right?” While I have no idea what that means, I do think “skibbidy to throw that gyatt at the rizzler” is a much more charming turn of phrase

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

How do you kill a snake?

And why is the only answer to chop its head off?

(preferably with something rustic like a shovel)

[ø ⋆˚౨ৎ @rosebIusher]

california rn #hurriquake

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

If you’re in Texas, and you have an abortion—say that you were exercising the “stand your ground” law! The fetus was trespassing on your property!

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

when someone watches you parallel park—THAT is a hate crime

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

@TwoMartinisPls Stuff you should know

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

I’m almost 30 and still have to say “i before e except after c” ever single time 😔

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

Lol why is this my trending?

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

am I the only one who stares at people in the airport?? SOMEBODY STARE BACK AT ME! 🤬 I WANT TO MAKE FLEETING BUT ROMANTIC EYE CONTACT!!

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

just occurred to me that it’s insane that in the US we lock up our dumpsters (big rubbish bins for you english folk) is that something other countries do??

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

Whenever I’m at self checkout I worry that they will think I’m trying to steal, so then I try to act natural because I’m not stealing anything anyway, but then I feel like I’m acting suspicious so then they probably REALLY think I’m trying to steal.

It’s a vicious cycle

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

Cats are gay and dogs are straight

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

I watch so much YouTube that I just had a dream that was sponsored by squarespace

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

wait but why is Virgin Atlantic a tricked out party bus?? 😂

[Jacob @itsmejacobscott]

I can’t believe the queen died twice in one year 😢 rip Angela Lansbury 😭