@itsmelaurenashley

My parking isn’t the only thing I desperately need validated. @itsmelaurenashley

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Playing dumb 🤝 playing the victim

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

She was wearing purple eyeliner I was like: “I’ll never be able to take you to my country club.”

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Some guys are too busy sucking their own dicks to realize no one else wants to.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

He’s a 10 but he blows on his food.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Dudes be like “get dressed I’m gonna take you for granted”.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Did you know that you’re a know-it-all? Of course you did, you know everything.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

You’re in his dms, I’m on his nerves.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Better to lose a lover than love a loser.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

@elonmusk Tesla’s should have the ability to record a podcast in them. #teslaupdate

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Does he have BDE or is his mother just obsessed with him?

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Nominating Pete Davidson for the next bachelor.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Tesla’s do a lot of things but do they eat ass? @elonmusk

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

My hair, lips, and boobs may be fake, but my diamonds are real.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Brunettes get a few highlights and start calling themselves blondes.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

@elonmusk so many things

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Is that a usb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Save a record, play a dj.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Why grow up when you can become a dj instead?

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

I love when you match peoples energy and then they get mad.

[@itsmelaurenashley @itsmemela]

Me on a date: omg enough about me! Let’s talk about you…. What’s your favorite thing about me?