I helped the U.S. Women's National Soccer Team fight for fair pay. Now I help the AMPTP fight for bigger yachts. Former barrel racer, parody of a P(e)R(son)
I hate when men just repeat what a woman said and act like they invented the idea except when the man is my pal Matty-Matt Ballooney and the woman is an "insider" source that happens to be a a sweet gal y'all know and love named MOLLY (round of applause for me)
New @PuckNews: Days after the WGA strike ended, hundreds of TV writers got bad news from their employers. It’s only the beginning: https://t.co/vBhvPvwAGs
SCOOP: I can exclusively confirm that yes I HAVE been hired as Gavin Newsom's new communications director, a job I desperately need to feed my family of 3 special needs savings accounts labeled "yacht fund"
Just because the WGA has a (TENTATIVE) deal does NOT mean this strike is over.
SAG-AFTRA remains on strike and I, for one, will continue to stand in solidarity with the CEOs and the yachts until ALL strikes are resolved to the greatest benefit of money
you got that right, there will be no quiet quitting on Molly's watch get your narrow behinds in line and DANCE MARIONETTES DANCE FOR THE CORPORATE OVERLORDS haha did i type that part out loud oh shit oh well send tweet
i'm not saying i take credit for getting the CEOs more involved but i'm just saying i told Bob it's time to show me the frozen head like he promised and PRESTO ABRA CADABRA he's in the room personally, look at God
Netflix’s Ted Sarandos, Disney’s Bob Iger, Universal’s Donna Langley and Warner Bros Discovery’s David Zaslav are joining negotiating teams for both WGA & AMPTP as they meet at the AMPTP’s offices today https://t.co/gu76mJZNGr
wishing the AMPTP and their ungrateful employees, the WGA, the best with today's resumption of negotiations.
please mamas let's get a deal done before the yachts have to spend the holidays not knowing where their parents' next support yachts are coming from :(
there is exactly ONE ride-or-die, LOYAL bitch left in this town and her name is SHARON WAXMAN
that is why I'm endowing an annual award for excellence in journalism
the Waxman Trophy will go to the writer who publishes my "anonymous" "tip" emails with the least editing each year
got into a huge fight with @ItsMeCarolAMPTP today over whether or not Cheesecake actually counts as a "factory"
i'm just saying I think restaurants should be careful with that language? like. did you see the car factory people are on strike? we don't want it spreading
hollywood hates fresh ideas which is why we're never getting the sequel where John Wick is a heroic crisis management PR professional fighting off a scummy labor union to save his employers' bottom line
SPOILER ALERT: This post contains details about the ending of John Wick: Chapter 4
Franchise producer Basil Iwanyk discussed Keanu Reeves, the end of ‘John Wick: Chapter 4’ – and the possibility of additional chapters – report
https://t.co/uDJTSPiNut
JOURNALISTS: just because the WGA and AMPTP are returning to negotiating doesn't mean you're off the hook.
I need at least seven more in-depth profiles mentioning @ItsMeCarolAMPTP's favorite baseball teams by Friday or I'm letting Bezos buy all your publishers
a few of you spoiled little Hollywood nepo babies have called me a "soulless corporate shill" and Im sorry to say I spoke to a VERY qualified theologian and he confirmed it is widely accepted in all Abrahamic faiths that shills DO have souls.
better luck next time haters 😗
sorry dudes and dudettes, this one actually might have been my fault
in my defense, I didn't see the unstable connection warning on my Zoom when I told Zas "get rid of (that vest if you want a chance at) winning (this) time"
@cnhazzard@EricHaywood@ashleyn1cole do you think I took this AMPTP gig just to have to drive *American* cars for the rest of my life? pasta me baby because after I wrap this thing up it's all italian engineering all the time #lambolevinson
don't worry about MY business, once I break these silly strikes the progressive clients will come crawling back (especially after Hannity sees the endangered salamander I slipped under @AOC's rear tire)
I didn’t take this job for the money. I took it bc the "Scandal" writers deserve to be punished for giving my clients unrealistic expectations #notamiracleworker