I cried alone, vented alone, calmed my anxiety attacks alone, felt alone, advised myself alone, spend time alone. No one lived my life, nor cried my tears, so no one has the right to judge my way of being.
i’m a big fan of reciprocation. you reach out, i reach out. you’re distant, i’m distant. you check on me, i check on you. you’re inconsistent, i’m inconsistent. you spoil me, i’m gonna spoil you. i deal with people exactly how they deal with me. nothing more, nothing less.
tolerating always turns into resentment. at first, you call it patience, then love.
but what it really is, is self abandonment. every time you swallow a boundary, excuse a pattern or silence your discomfort, something inside you keeps score.
eventually, the bill comes due.
Nobody prepares you for the amount of pain and grief you experience when you have to forgive yourself for believing someone was actually a genuine person. The hardest part isn't just their betrayal.
it's the shame you carry for ignoring your instincts.