I sent a foot to the biggest copywriting agency in my city.
And it walked me straight into a contract. 🦶
I’m all about writing copy that stands out in a crowd - it’s kinda my schtick.
Normally, I use funny, different, slightly bizarre cold emails to do all my outreach.
And that’s great for a countless number of reasons like:
1. It’s cheap
2. It’s easy to test
3. It’s automated
4. It’s scaleable
BUT when I have my sights set on working with a specific brand or agency, I bring out the big guns.
I go postal.
This time around, I wanted to send a letter to a huge copywriting agency in my city, because they were making moves with some big brands.
But I had to figure out a way to guarantee the letter got opened.
I thought a “Documents Enclosed” stamp is a bit gimmicky…
And a “Fragile” sticker is just a downright lie…
So I had to get real creative.
I was thinking, what kind of letters get opened first when they come through my door?
The lumpy ones.
Anything that seems like it’s got a little surprise in it, I’m tearing that bastard open.
So that just left me with the issue of what the hell to put in the envelope.
I thought of all the usual things like a throopcopy pen, or keychain, or bottle opener.
But that’s all just useless junk.
Plus it’s really fucking boring.
So I turned to puns.
And after a lot of different ideas.
I settled on a plastic foot finger puppet.
Yup.
And the punchline?
Just my way of getting my foot in the door.
Boom.
Contract in the bag, even though they have 20 freelancers pitching to them every day.
Be different to put yourself in the spotlight.
The best way to handle an objection in your copy is to run towards it.
Don't pussyfoot around it because you're scared to put ideas in your customers head.
In this email, I gave the reader an out.
I literally told them there are SO many free resources out on the internet, they don't really need a fitness coach.
But then I showed them the receipts.
I hit them with social proof.
I went in with the before and after photos (redacted for twitter).
Then went for the KO with the no-brainer offer.
Will someone read the first bit and think: 'oh well, I'll just search it online then'?
Maybe.
But they'll be the non-serious people who weren't ever going to buy anyway.
The people who were on the fence will have no reasons left not to buy.
If you're scared of handling objections like this, then the offer isn't strong enough.
Stephen King listened to Mambo No.5 on repeat while writing his novels.
So, I thought I'd try it while trying to power through 5 belief shifting emails for my client.
You know what?
It actually worked.
I finished all of them in like 3 hours (and they were hefty emails).
Only snag is the CTAs all ended up being:
'ALL READ AND NO BUY MAKES ME A DULL BOY'
Weird.
In the words of Wet Wet Wet -
hooks are all around us.
Pretty sure that’s how the song goes.
If you’re stuck on what to write literally all you have to do is think about what the main idea of the email is.
Then link it with a story.
It doesn’t have to be epic.
It can be as small as a conversation you had a dinner.
As long as you can find a way to link it to the big idea of the email - it can be literally anything.
Doesn’t have to be a personal story either.
Look at some of the light recent news — this is my fave website for news that doesn’t make people feel empty inside.
Or, look at stories from history.
I recently wrote an email comparing Hannibal and the Battle of the Carthaginians to creators’ current battle with AI and it popped off.
The hard part isn’t thinking of the hook, they’re literally everywhere.
It’s being able to link it to the big idea.
That’s what separates the Fiverr writers from the irreplaceable ones.
People get confused with the advice: "you don't need to be a good writer to be a good copywriter".
No, you do not need to be the next Tolstoy to write a good email.
He'd probably get all weird and make it 1200 pages like War and Peace.
BUT YOU STILL NEED TO WRITE WELL.
That means knowing sentence structure, spelling, perfect English, decent range of vocab.
You know, all the things that make something interesting to read?
Because if you can't get basic prose nailed down then you're gonna lose your audience.
And you can't sell to an empty room.
In 28 years later, it's clear that the rest of the world has left the UK to wallow in it's own shit.
It's let the infested population breed, evolve and, just be their disgusting little selves.
That's kind of what I've done with one of my inboxes.
It's 12,000 promotional emails that just mope around, waiting for some stupid person to come along and let them take a bite.
The stuff in there is actually so low quality it makes me annoyed.
Heavy design, AI generated copy, false urgency...
It's like every time I open it, it's an assault on the senses.
And I'm definitely not the only person that has one like this.
When you're writing email copy, this is the thing you're fighting against.
And it's why the figma, HTML shit is such a waste of time – everyone is doing it, and everyone is desensitised to it.
In the HTML apocalypse, plain text is the CURE.
@dpranav_sharma Literally, in the time it takes to engineer a good response and then edit all the robot out of it, I could just write it myself (and it would be better).
People are doing a U-turn on AI.
I’ve seen multiple big names who jumped on the train at the start...
got bullish about it...
even sold courses based around AI prompting...
Have now said they don’t use it for writing anymore.
Because they’ve realised that with each paragraph they copy and paste from AI, their brain gets a little bit smoother.
I did the same.
I started thinking ‘hey this is pretty decent’.
And more of my writing got outsourced to the machine.
But I’ve had an epiphany recently that literally every piece of work that AI gives me is just OK.
It’s not great.
It’s not genius.
It’s just ‘fine.’
Which is enough for certain tasks.
But I also realised that as I relied on the tool more and more, my standards shifted.
And it became:
Harder to recognise what is great, effective copywriting, and what just sounds readable
Way harder to concentrate, write, and think of original ideas
Which is pretty scary.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-AI.
It’s good for grunt work.
But outsourcing all your thinking and writing to a machine is a very dangerous game.
“Beware the feral donkey.”
That’s the sign outside the Karpaz peninsula in Northern Cyprus – home to hundreds of wild donkeys.
We’ve been loads of times. It’s basically a bootleg safari.
You rock up with carrots, they shove their heads through your window, race your car like a donkey derby…
It’s always a riot.
So when my best friend came to visit, we hyped it up big time.
For DAYS we were going on about what a hoot the donkeys were and she needed to prepare herself.
So when the day came, she was absolutely buzzing.
We had the cameras at the ready.
There were about 70 carrots in the backseat.
We drove the dirt track for an hour, hit the sign, rolled the windows down…
And nothing.
Not a donkey in sight.
We eventually found this lonely guy 20 minutes later.
Gave him all the carrots and called it a day.
Obviously my friend was pretty disappointed.
But it was our fault. We’d oversold it.
If we’d just said “nice scenic drive, maybe some donkeys,” she would’ve loved it.
That's a lesson about handling expectations.
Alwats underpromise and overdeliver.
Overselling just leaves a sour taste in your client's mouth.
Co-working spaces are really weird.
This girl with headphones on keeps talking to the office chihuahua in a baby voice… but really loudly?
She just keeps shouting ‘HAVE YOU HAD A BUSY DAY’ every time he walks past.
Stfu and leave him alone 😂
Sending an email without a CTA has the same energy as seeing a fiver on the floor and taking it to the police station.
You're not a saint, you're just an imbecile.
Agreed, pitching the idea would be a fucking nightmare if they weren’t already doing email marketing.
At least in my city, a number of restaurants are catching on to it though, they’re just not utilising it properly.
But yeah, safe to say I won’t be pivoting to this idea - just daydreaming about the potential
Why don’t more restaurants have email lists?
Not the HTML crap with 20% discount codes and 5 different pictures of the same steak.
But imagine your favourite local Italian sends you an email.
You open it, and to your surprise it’s from the chef.
He talks about how this time of year, he’s always reminded of his mama’s house back in Italy, that had a beautiful lemon tree in the middle of the courtyard.
He goes on to reminisce about how he and his siblings would pick the lemons every morning, and scamper into the kitchen to deliver the bounty to his mum.
Then, as they’d go off and play outside, she’d use the lemons to make the most delicious, refreshing spaghetti.
It was creamy, light, and comforting all at the same time.
Then, he ends the email by saying in light of the new season he wanted to recreate the Spaghetti al Limone his mama used to make.
It’s just as delicious as he remembers, and he’d love for you to try it.
Then, there would be a CTA to try the special and the link would lead to the booking page.
One or two of those every week would absolutely rip, surely?
Am I missing something?
Or have I just cooked up something genius? (Pun totally intended).
No quote makes me cringe like “sell without selling” ����
Why are people so afraid of selling?
It’s really weird.
As if making a sale is some dirty, perverted act.
If you’re selling a service that is legit, safe, and actually works – why are you acting like you’re selling snake oil?
The fear of “coming off salesy” holds so many good people back.
You’re not pushing a shady deal; you’re offering something that solves a real problem.
It’s not just gonna put money in your pocket, it’s gonna help whoever buys it.
So if you think that selling is ‘sleazy’ or something that should be danced around – get that crap outta your head.
Selling is good.
It makes the world go round.
If you can't accept that – go work a 9-5 for someone that can.