Zana

instagram: zana.btw

[Zana @itszanabtw]

Thinking logically doesn’t help me at all. I am so humbled. I need to find God.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

How the fuck do you deal with a parasite that you are unable to ghost and never see again. How do you deal with a bitch constantly creating situations to be on some pedestal with their goal being you scrambling with the mess they made, and them acting level headed and better.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

Yet I can’t connect with anyone like I used to. My social skills have diminished. I do trust them. I have no desire for community, yet I try because I know this comfort zone of mine is unnatural. I can’t open up or speak like I used to. I don’t know where to start.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

This overarching resentment is nonsensical. Nothing is personal or directed towards me. Ppl are navigating the same way I am.

I can’t form friendships the same way I used to. I appreciate my friends. A completely new subset of people that know nothing of my past. Like I wanted.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

I have so many mixed and unresolved feelings with the world. It’s catching up to me.

I like what I’ve made out of it to survive, but I didn’t deserve any of it.

I see it everyday, in how my connections lack vulnerability because I cannot bring that out of me again.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

Knowing the answer doesn’t automatically mean my ego is removed from the equation or that it’s invincible. It’s part of being human. Emotions are intrinsic to the human experience. I shouldn’t feel a certain way for feeling them. I just have them.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

It’s different each time, which is part of why it’s so appealing to me. You can ‘know’ the answer to your pain but still struggle to process it properly to carry on. That’s what I learned this time. Not feeling the emotions attached to experiences just lets the pressure build.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

A strong shroom trip once in a while is what would put the therapy industry out of business

I refrain from relying on it as an outlet, it should be encouraged to figure it out on your own… at first

But when it’s time for deeper introspection, 🍄 corners you

Really valuable

[Zana @itszanabtw]

Being misunderstood has left the deepest scar in my heart

[Zana @itszanabtw]

I haven’t been to a counsellor in ages and I don’t think they’ll be any help at all. They’re just normal people with qualifications, not miracle workers. And sorry to say, my case is out of their expertise. Maybe they can handle bullying or academic pressure, not what I have.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

Doesn’t matter that I know better anymore. I know what I’ve gone through isnt believable. I know it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. I still carry resentment. And I’m ashamed to admit that.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

Is there such thing as absolute forgiveness? I find myself in different cycles of acceptance in varying degrees. Can’t seem to fully let go, even if I previously believed I actually did. Higher knowing usually dissipated this, now I find myself ‘knowing’ with a stronger ego.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

To live the way I do today and lead a relatively normal life, creating a safe inner space for myself separate from the external world. The pain and suffering I had to go through in plain sight is something the average person will never understand.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

In my pursuit of growth I have unknowingly built another cage

This is a big joke

I experienced liberation and then I couldn’t let it go

I am humbled once again

Maybe. I think.

[mi @mi_hiran]

we are eating like we are a walkable country

[شكينة @_nsyakinah]

the genius and ingenuity within the malay mind that lead to the rise of the malaccan sultanate is now used to create lumpia creamy cheese takoyaki leleh tapak kuda dubai chocolate matcha viral

[شكينة @_nsyakinah]

what did I tell y’all about the malay mind

[Am @Aemer_]

Yes please fat shaming the Malaysians cuz my society really needs that. Sometimes i wish the authorities could jail fat ppl atp😭😭🙏🏻

[Zana @itszanabtw]

I can find a billion things to complain about. I get paid a lot considering wtf I do.

[Zana @itszanabtw]

Trying not to take life so seriously I just ruin the fun for myself every time